Umm... Darling? Do You Think I Can Purchase Lipstick in Hell?

Hello hello my Darling Friend... I am SO delighted that you’ve stopped by.  I have a fresh pot of, ‘You Keep on Knocking but You Can’t Come In!’ to fill up your cup...

Uh oh, what are you up to Caffe?  No, no, no... nothing to do with you my Darling, it’s those, those... those people!  You know those people... they come knocking at your door and when you open it... WHAM-O! they sell you their religion and tell you all about how morally incorrect the world is and how I should jump into their bandwagon!  Imagine that?  Moi?  Morally incorrect?  They must have read my last post about being a Bad Gurl Blogger!

This past weekend I was in the garage doing some cardio training on my spin bike while blasting the 808 bump into my earbuds.  Yes my Dear, I do maintain my MILFy physique, how else can I indulge in my cookie jar habits and look the way I do?  Besides, when the Hubby stares at my long, sexy legs, I know that all my hard work has paid off... hold on, we’re going in the wrong direction... 

In the garage with the door wide open, exactly at the same moment that I’m belting out, “AND TONIGHT I’M F#$%ING YOU!!... OOOH OH!... OHhWHOA!” I see them.  I see more than one, a pair... OH and another pair... and another... two by two they’re walking in front of my driveway... and how lovely of me to provide the music...

Well thank goodness the last time they knocked, I was smart enough to kindly ask if they had a Do Not Call List and if they did, please place me on it.  So they did and I am.  But I don’t think my Hubby knew that because as the parade was passing in front of my house, so was my Hubby!  I saw his BIG truck drive right by and not come back for at least 10 minutes... what’s up with that?

This is not the first or the worst of my many encounters with the Jehovah's Witnesses... 

               **insert going back in time music here**

After a wild gurlz night out with my roommate and cousin, well, uhhh... I kind of lost my cousin J... I know, I know... how do you lose your cousin?  Well after a couple, or maybe a few more, those darn Razztinis... she sorta got... umm... lost?  Hmmm... 

I tried tracking J down, I looked on the dance floor it was a good song!... looked under the barstools that's where I'd be, even looked under the bathroom stalls calling her name "Are you some kind of weirdo!"... but all I got was the bouncer saying that he saw her puking by the dumpster... Oh... Great... just great.

After my many unsuccessful attempts at locating J, I went home and endured the rest of the night or was it morning? through drunken spells of dizzy... waiting and listening for the phone to ring... hoping to hear J’s voice, and feeling more and more nauseous by the moment... oooOOOHHHH!!... good thing for that bucket by the door!  

VICTORY AT LAST! The phone call came in and J is safe and sound and I think through the haze of my brain she said she was on her way to my place.  I passed out for a bit, still in my clothes from the night before and looking like the cat had dragged me in, when I heard a knock... YES!!  Thank Gaaawd J is here and I don’t have to tell her Mom that I lost her!  Boy, now that would be a family conversation that would be brought up at every family get together!  I have never been so happy or so relieved, or so huungoverrr, to answer the door.  

I staggered out of bed and scrambled to the door...  my head was in a foggy cloud I thought I was indoors?...  In my haste, I kicked the bucket, almost knocking it over, losing my balance and stumbled over it while simultaneously reaching for the door knob and flung myself with a smile on my face and the stench of an all nighter at the people who were standing in the doorway...  “HIIIiii... ummm...YOU’RE not J!!”

And that my Dear Friend, was the worst encounter EVER with those people.  

Oh my goodness, looky here, my cup is empty and I’m hoping that the Do Not Call list doesn’t expire for another few years... should I inform the Hubby?  Nah, it makes for a good post... Until we meet again my Dear Friend... Just let them knock or keep a full bucket by the door... Ta Ta! 

Are YOU a Bad Gurl?

Hello my Dear Friend... So nice of you to drop by for a visit!  Make yourself comfy as I’ve got a zesty blend of, ‘What’s the definition of a Baaad Gurl?’ to fill your cup...

As you know, or maybe you don’t, but you’ll know now, I’m one of the little minions over at Blogaholic Social Network.  I’m the hostess with the mostess so I like to pretend and I help out by approving members, greeting them with my sincere charm and I’m also another pair of eyes to make sure that the site is running smoothly.  Why am I bringing this to your attention?  5 words... The Bad Girls of Blogging.

This group was formed over at BSN and being the Mini Celeb that I am, I was invited to join.  Meeee?   A Bad Girl??  Hmmm... I started thinking about what it means to be a Bad Girl of Blogging...

I have a post titled, Oral Contraceptives Should Be Hot Pink & Glow in the Dark!, would I want my Mother in-law to read it?

If I had to explain the definition of a MILF to my son, could I do it without my cheeks turning as bright as my brightest shade of lipstick?

Butt Crack... is that subject a bit taboo?  And then to do it twice...

Is it so wrong to write a Dos and Don’ts list for TPing someone’s house?

Am I a tease for not giving the details to the Peter Penis song?

Does preparing myself with valium and a Costco sized box of wine sound like a good idea?

And then there’s my bellybutton, yeah, okay... so I made some new friends with the valets.

Does infuriating a reader (okay, they’re definitely not my reader anymore!) make me bad?  

As I look over this list.... ummm... well... okay so I may not be quite the Mommy blogger per say... but Bad??  I think I prefer being called naughty... maybe mischievous?  Oh alright!  Yes, yes I am BAD... I’m so bad come on, you know the saying that I’m good, and Darling, I'm really good! 

Well my Dear Friend, my cup is empty and I’m off to make more mischief... I mean, well you know what I mean... fun!  I’m off to have more fun!  Come back and see me when my hand is out of the cookie jar... Ta Ta my Sweet! 

Kisses for YOU my Darling Friend!

Hello my Dear Friend... I am tickled that you are here!  Huh?  Of course I am... you always put a smile on my face when you stop in for a visit, you know that right?  Well I should hope you know that, in fact, I should hope you know how much I enjoy your company and how very much you’re appreciated!

I absolutely adore filling your cup with the best brew that I can make for you... and I always make sure that I keep the pot HOT...  So Cups Up! to you my Lovely Friend and a heartfelt Thank You for sharing your time with me.  Lipstick kisses blowing your way...  xoxo

Shhhhhh... It's a Secret!

Hello Darling... I’m absolutely delighted that you are here!  Come make yourself comfy and let me fill your cup with a fresh brew of, ‘Shhhhhh... Can you keep a secret?’...

I’ve been contemplating how to go about saying what I’m about to say.  Yes, I know Darling, when have I ever worried about what I was going to say!  But, well... this is one of those things that I’ve been avoiding and the guilt with holding it in just seems to make the powder on my nose crust up!  Come on Caffe, it can’t be that bad, spit it out already!

Well Darling, it’s been a secret for so long, but... okay... ((deep breath)) here I go... I have been so fortunate in receiving blog awards since the beginning of  this endearing adventure I call, Caffeinated OC Mommy.  I am so flattered and so very appreciative of each and every award that I have received... I have given my all... truly... to do the best I can in receiving these awards, following the rules and in turn... giving them out to my Darling Friends within the BloggySphere.  

But I must confess... I haven’t done my part on many of the awards I’ve received, and I don’t think I ever will.  Yes, I’m pretty sure I’m throwing in the towel when it comes to receiving awards from my FABulous Friends, and yes, I know you gave me an award at some point, I didn’t forget, I just... well... forgive me?  Hate me if you must... you’ll still be my Darling Friend, no matter what... 

So with that being said... I would like to thank you and the many Darlings and Dears who thought of little ol meeee when an award was and is up for grabs... even if I don’t swing by to collect my award, you know I’ll always celebrate by purchasing a new lipstick... I can’t help myself!   xoxo

Awareness Makes for Excellent Mommys!

Buenos Dias my Dear Friend... Thanks for stopping by!  Spanish Caffe?  Yes, spanish Darling, I’m feeling a bit spicy today or maybe like the weather down under... HOT!  Come make yourself comfy as I’ve got a blend to fill your cup with that by the time it’s empty, we may have steam coming out of our ears... Okay, maybe I already have steam coming out of my ears and I may need to switch to decaf!

I’ve been feeling a bit, mmmm, how shall I say it... well... angry!  No Darling, not at you of course, never at you.  I’m frustrated at our current situation about how our country does their business!  Not just over the business of stale mate politics in Washington, but a combination of greedy corporations, uninformed consumers, greedy corporations, and did I mention greedy corporations? 

Now you know me Darling, I’m all for sexy MILF talk, I’m up for juicy conversations involving bad Mommys, heck... I’m even up for screaming at Adele for singing to my Hubby, but I just can’t not talk to you about our countries current situation just because it will make me ‘P C’... besides, when am I ever politically correct anyways??  Oh Caffe, be careful what you say...

I don’t think I need to be careful when all I’m doing is informing you... my close, personal, Dear Dear Friend!  I just want what’s best for you and if we can chat about things that matter, then that makes our friendship that much stronger.

The reason I sit upon my high horse as one hater has proclaimed that I did and write the things I do... you know... I tell Mommys to wise up, I talk about bad parenting... the list is endless when it comes to topics about being a Good Mommy is because I’m an excellent Mommy who is aware of the environment around me.  What the heck are you talking about Caffe?!  Being aware makes a good Mommy and I’m very aware so I must be excellent!

I’ve chatted about awareness before in a Mommy Lesson, but the awareness I’m talking about today is this...

Did you know that the cosmetic industry is not regulated?  Do you know what that means Darling?  It means that the cosmetic industry is self regulated and that they can put anything they want on their labels... anything!  This means they can use the words, Natural or Safe or anything they want and they don’t have to mean it.  Wonderful huh?  This includes shampoos, lotions, cosmetics... LIPSTICKS!!!  And guess where many unwanted and harmful chemicals are found?... BABY SHAMPOO.  

Do you know what GMOs are?  Uh huh, you’ve maybe seen the label on a food package in the health food aisle, it may say something like this... NO GMO or NO GE.  Genetically Modified Organisms or Genetically Engineered.  You don’t want GMOs in your food or your children's.  Why? and what does that mean?

  

The food has been tampered with and chemically changed, which changes the structure or proteins of that food and when you think you are feeding your family with a healthy meal... you’re not!  Because the proteins have changed, your body doesn’t recognize what it is and in turn doesn’t get the nutritional value that is so needed in our daily diets.

Guess what?  Food manufacturers don’t need to label their foods that have been genetically modified.  That makes me want to throw a cup of boiling liquid onto the heads of those who feel we Mommys don’t need to know what we serve our families!

How dare they!  And everyone wonders why our kids have so many allergies... OOOOHHHH, I just want to scream and wake everyone up!!

These are only a couple of examples of greedy, nationwide industries not caring about the welfare of the next generation... our children.  The only thing that matters to them, is how fat their pocketbooks get!  I’m mad as hell that people are not aware of these on going situations, but this information I have brought to you is not easily accessible and I blame the big companies for not being transparent.

  

I am not going to refill my cup... I’m too frustrated and my lipstick is muddled and probably filled with lead!  I hope you take our little chat seriously, as we Mommys need to stick together and help each other become more aware of our surroundings and who is on our side and who is not.

I’m on your side Darling... I want us to be able to make a positive difference in our families lives and one of the best ways to do that is... awareness... Until next time my FABulous Friend... Ta Ta!

Kimba Darling... Thank You! xoxo

Hello, hello my Darling Friend... Can you believe it?  Three, yes THREE posts in one week!  This calls for a new shade or two of lipstick for me... you know my Dear, I need every excuse possible for a new tube of color so that when I receive my credit card statement at the end of the month, the Hubby knows what my motives were for visiting the cosmetic counter soooo many times!

Why a post so soon Caffe?  Well Darling, I got a comment from my Dear Friend Kim who is the mastermind behind Kimba the Caffeinated (Ha!  See, we have lots in common!) Book Reviewer yesterday about the Linky Follower.  And you know what?  She got me thinking about all the ways to follow a blog from Facebook to Twitter, receiving emails... aren’t those all available to all blog platforms?  Have I lost my mind and got sucked in on this whole Follow thing?  I mean really!...  Like GFC was the one and only!  But why does this bother me so much?

These questions represent a type of insecurity that I refuse to be a part of!  A little part of... sort of part of?  I think I don’t like change, except my lipstick color of course and maybe that stupid little GFC box makes me feel... relevant.  There, I said it.

Maybe I’ve been misled... how many times have you been to a blog that has thousands of followers but hardly any comments?  Are these bloggers only doing blog hops and nothing else?  Does that make one feel important because they have many followers?... I'm not sure what the point is, because as you scroll down the page, there’s no content!  You know you’ve seen these before, right Darling?  

So thank you my Dear Kim for reminding me that no matter how many followers I have, what’s relevant is not the numbers, it’s the loving interactions I receive from YOU!

Well my cup is emp... huh?  I didn’t fill our cups??  SHAME ON ME!  Where did my manners go?  Out the window along with my insecurities... Come again Darling as I always appreciate when you stop by...  Ta Ta! 

Guess What? No Silly, Not Another Shade of Lipstick...

Well Hello my Dear Friend... As always, I’m absolutely delighted that you’re here!  Let me fill your cup with the latest information on a possible replacement for Google Friend Connect (GFC) that was given to me by my Darling Friend Lisa over at Mompreneur Mogul...

As you probably know, Google Friend Connect will be no longer as of March 1st.  Now, we really shouldn’t care about the number in the GFC widget and who we think is reading our every word and it makes moi feel so important that they are following, I mean really... what is this, a popularity contest?  Yes!!  Yes it is!!!  And I have made it past the 100 mark and that’s a BIG accomplishment especially when I can’t stand blog hops!  Ummm, did I just say that out loud?  **Ahem...**

Okay, what were we talking about?  Well... I know if I can’t remember, then it must have been about lipstick!  Lipstick does that to me... did you know that I get stuck in the lipstick aisle at Target?  Huh?  You did?  And... OH!  GFC!  That’s were we were... ooops, went the wrong direction, not that talking about lipstick is ever wrong...

GFC... yep Darling, I’ve gotten accustomed to seeing my Darlings and Dears in the side bar and when it isn’t there any longer, will it matter?  Will I miss them?  YOU BETCHA!!    

But guess what?  The creator of the MckLinky Blog Tools, Brent Riggs, has worked with a few bloggers to come up with... **insert Angel trumpets here**... Linky Followers!!  Whoot whoo!!  Linky Followers is a brand new widget tool that to my knowledge, will work with any blog platform.  Sign up, it’s free... and because I’ll miss you Darling!

Until next time my Dear Friend... Ta Ta!