Tuesday, June 14, 2011

I'm HOT, You're NOT! Become a MILF in 5 Easy Steps

Well Hello my Dear!  Back for more controversy?  Of course you are and I’ve got a fresh pot ready to fill your cup...
Today’s blend is 100% pure MILF.  You do know what a MILF is, right?  Let me give you a brief description just in case...  A MILF is the Mommy that all the teen boys go ga ga over.  A MILF is the Mommy that other Mommys’ husbands sneak a peek to look at.  A MILF is a Mommy that most Mommys can’t stand but secretly wishes to be like her.  MILF stands for Mommys I’d Like to Fuuu... oh you get my point!  So today, for those of you who need that bit of added spark in your ordinary routine, I’m going to help you become more like me!  Ooooh, how fun, I LOVE helping out my Mommy Pals!  Let’s get started...
  1. Show some skin.  Yes my Darling, you read it right.  You are not Mary Mother of God, for goodness sakes have some fun!  Wearing sweatpants and a long sleeve T with a hoodie, no matter how colorful and coordinated it is, has NO sex appeal.  None... Nada!  And those leggings with a big shirt, are never, NEVER in style.  It makes one look like cotton candy, you know, floaty, big on top, and a skinny holder at the bottom.  Not a flattering look and NO it does not cover what you are trying to hide.  Put on something fitted every so often, maybe a v neck with a favorite necklace.   Be beautiful and be the sensual woman that you are and wear something flattering.   
  2. Put on some lipstick.  “But Caffe, it takes too much time!”  I am not going to let you off the hook on this one.  A little bit of sheer color added to those wonderfully, kissable lips can go a long way and it takes 30 seconds to apply.  While you’re at it, add a stroke of a neutral color across your big, flirty, eyelids and top it off with a quick coat of mascara.  Done.  All in 5 minutes.  Now go experiment and bat your pretty little eyes at the mailman or the grocery store clerk and see if you don’t get a smile from them.
  3. Put on something fragrant.  I’m not suggesting that you spray an entire bottle of Coco Chanel to take your kids to the park, but I am encouraging you to smell pretty.  It may be a wonderful smelling lotion, or a light perfume that reminds you of a hot night with the one you love.  Hot, hmmm... heat or sexy?, your choice!  The power of  scent is as old as the “oldest profession” known to mankind.  Well that’s an interesting thought! 
  4. Colorful panties.  Again, stop staring at the words like you don’t know what I’m saying and close your mouth.  Come on girlz, it’s just soooooo much fun to wear sexy little undies that only YOU know about!  Maybe share a peek with those who might be interested in what color you have on today.  You don’t have to wear a thong if that’s not your thing... but DO wear something that makes you feel girly.  I don’t care if you’re 62 years old.  Have fun, be sexy, wear some fun leopard print and let your inner animal shine through!
  5. Attitude.  That’s right.  Another word for attitude, sex appeal.  Sexy is good!  A very close friend of mine says that to me all the time, and do you know what?  It's true.  Flirt, bat your eyelashes, put on sexy undergarments, and please remember, you’ve got one life to be who you want to be.  We’ve all heard it before, you are what you believe yourself to be, so believe that you are a MILF!
I believe that I need to go through my newest Victoria’s Secret catalogue.  They’re having a big sale and I always need a few more bright colors to add to my never ending collection.  So excuse me, I’ve got to go... if you need a refill, help yourself... OH?, it’s empty?  Well then off you go... Come back next time when I have a fresh pot of controversy ready to go and tell me all about the steps you’ve taken to be more like Moi.  Until next time, Ta Ta!  

39 comments:

  1. What a fine tutorial! You go girl! Mom's are not Mary Mother of God? When did that happen? I agree with the lipstick thing. Just a quick swipe is all it takes. You go MILF!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Honey, I may be on the plus size end of things (not quite fitting in either department actually, having to grab pants from one section and tops from the other) but I am one hella hot MILF! :-)

    ATTITUDE is where it starts...showing some skin...makeup or no makeup...make yourself look good, how YOU feel sexy and roll with it.

    My man loves that I show up at CHURCH softball practice in my yoga pants, a tank and all my curves hugged nicely with my hair in a ponytail and my lipstick on. Then, he grins from ear to ear as all the other fellas ogle me while I'm up to bat. I AM a HOTTIE and nobody gonna tell me different!

    www.wishyoucouldblog.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. You crack me up. Saw this on Bloggy Moms and had to head over to look at some more.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm going as fast as I can Bernie! lol Love my Gal Pals, just want them to have a sexy attitude too... xoxo

    Without a doubt K.T., you are HOT!! xoxo

    Welcome 1Mommy! Feel free to explore, make sure to read one of my favorite post... Oral Contraceptives Should Be Hot Pink & Glow in the Dark! Excuse me, I need to powder my nose... xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  5. Great ideas! I do believe attitude is everything. I think if I did all 5 of these steps in one day my husband might have a heart attack, though! He would wonder where his REAL wife went. LOL I loved that image of cotton candy. Too funny!

    ReplyDelete
  6. LOL Ohhh Karen, it might be fun to get your Hubby's heart beating fast when he sees what a MILF you are! Cups Up! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  7. Visiting from Bloggy Moms and having a great time so far. Nothing better than a great cup of coffee and a laugh. Following you via GFC & Twitter now so I won't miss your next fantastic post. Hope you will drop by and visit me sometime at KY Klips Blog

    ReplyDelete
  8. A great reminder. Next time I go for my old hoodie with the stain on it I'll think of you....but in a good way..lol!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Welcome Janet! We have much in common, coffee and a good laugh. Gotta love that! Cups Up! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  10. I do all of these things because after 3 kids I have totally learned what a slippery slope sweatpants can be! (Even the cute ones with rhinestones.)

    ReplyDelete
  11. So funny!!! Love your blog, you are hilarious!!! You checked out my blog today, thank you thank you - I appreciate you adding me to your list! I will definitely do the same! Thanks again!
    Kim

    ReplyDelete
  12. Of course you already do these things TSP... you're a HOTTIE! xoxo

    Welcome my Darling Kim! Stop by often, as you'll need a good laugh after putting your twins to bed! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  13. Having long past the age of needing such advice - although I concur with it entirely! - wish you and everyone else reading it every luck in achieving the results you seek! Invite you to check out my blog (newish) because it might just interest you and your chums - and, hopefully, provide a little light entertainment too! It's at http://www.ColdhamCuddliescalling.blogspot.com. Comments (hopefully nice) always welcome. Isobel

    ReplyDelete
  14. New follower from the hop. Hope you follow back.
    http://grandmabonniescloset.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hah - thanks for the cuppa... and the laughs! You've got some spunk - love it!

    Visiting from Char's hop!

    www.beamingbalance.com

    ReplyDelete
  16. I am LOVING your blog! You are too cute! Found you from the weekend hop and now I'm a follower. I think you'll be going right on my "daily reads" list. ;0)~
    XO,
    Kristy

    ReplyDelete
  17. Why thanks a million Isobel for stopping by... xoxo

    Welcome GBonnie! Thanks for the follow, I'll stop by just as soon as I powder my nose... xoxo

    Darling Charlene, thank you for stopping by! Char is just delightful, isn't she? xoxo

    Oh my Kristy Dear, thanks for the follow! I'll come for a visit just as soon as I touch up my gorgeous face... xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  18. New follower here! Found you on BlogFrog.... Hahaha... You crack me up... Great blog!!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  19. Why thank you my Dear Olivia, or should I say, "Mahalo!"? xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  20. I just cae over from the bog hop.I just followed you. Great stuff! Blessings, Melissa
    www.melsdeals.com

    ReplyDelete
  21. Just stopping by from the blog hop...thanks for the smiles. I agree completely!
    http://mamawolfe-living.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  22. Welcome my Darlings Melissa & MamaW! Thank you so much for stopping by and following... will be by your place after I touch up my lipstick... Cups Up! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  23. Hilarious!!! But so true!! I always try to look good when I go out! Just cause i had a baby doesn't mean I can't look pretty, right?
    Are you twitter or have a FB page? I can't find you! I would like to follow your tweets please and all around funniness!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Too funny! It seems I have a long ways to go! New follower from the weekend hop! I would love for you to stop by http://aboutamom.com to say hi & return follow!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Hello G4 Darling, Welcome, welcome! Of COURSE you can look MILFy anytime your little heart desires... and bet your bottom assets that your Hubby will be delighted too! I do have a FB page, haven't figured it all out yet, guess I should, and Twitter? Goodness! So much to learn and I think I would rather powder my nose... xoxo

    Welcome my Dears Laura & Angela! Thanks for the follow and I'm almost certain that you're more MILFy than you think! Cups Up! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  26. Hahaha I LOVE it! Next time the Mr. says "You're a Mom now." I will have to correct him, "No honey...I'm a MILF" ;)

    ReplyDelete
  27. Ana Darling, I'm with you... CupUp! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  28. Cute undies make all the difference in the world. They make me feel pretty even if my outfit is spit on, tugged at or even torn from all joys of being a mom.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Welcome Felina Darling, cute undies are SO necessary in keeping with the MILF factor! Thanks for stopping by... Off to powder my nose... xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  30. Love this! My oldest son figured out what MILF meant just this week and then promptly asked,
    "does that mean you're a MILF since you always have neighbor boys stopping by and even guys that ride by you on a bike are waving?" When i told him yes it does he shook his head and said,
    "That's gross" lol

    ReplyDelete
  31. LOL! That is such a predictable response from a son! Thanks for stopping by TDG Darling... xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  32. what some great steps! you're funny n it's fun to read what u wrote... i giggled myself reading this blog. lovin it alot :)

    ReplyDelete
  33. MILIFS UNITE and then UNTIE and then... well never you mind. We're busy! Love you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How come I haven't seen this Darling? OHHhhh, we're BUSY! lol xoxo

      Delete
  34. Read a few of your blogs, Nice work! Especially the MILF blog, you go girl, I think more women should do what toy wrote. My wife, yes, no kids yet, but is sexy and hot. Keep up the great work, will link with you. You can share and link my blogs too. www.empowernetwork.com/captaincapan -Happy Bloogin' MILF- Ciao!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I will GO Frank Darling... I'll go right to the store to buy myself a new lipstick...

      Delete
  35. I could read this post 1,000 times

    ReplyDelete

Hello Darling,

Have you seen the latest collection of lipstick colors?? Oooooh, I can't help myself! Thanks for stopping by... xoxo

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...