Umm... Darling? Do You Think I Can Purchase Lipstick in Hell?

Hello hello my Darling Friend... I am SO delighted that you’ve stopped by.  I have a fresh pot of, ‘You Keep on Knocking but You Can’t Come In!’ to fill up your cup...

Uh oh, what are you up to Caffe?  No, no, no... nothing to do with you my Darling, it’s those, those... those people!  You know those people... they come knocking at your door and when you open it... WHAM-O! they sell you their religion and tell you all about how morally incorrect the world is and how I should jump into their bandwagon!  Imagine that?  Moi?  Morally incorrect?  They must have read my last post about being a Bad Gurl Blogger!

This past weekend I was in the garage doing some cardio training on my spin bike while blasting the 808 bump into my earbuds.  Yes my Dear, I do maintain my MILFy physique, how else can I indulge in my cookie jar habits and look the way I do?  Besides, when the Hubby stares at my long, sexy legs, I know that all my hard work has paid off... hold on, we’re going in the wrong direction... 

In the garage with the door wide open, exactly at the same moment that I’m belting out, “AND TONIGHT I’M F#$%ING YOU!!... OOOH OH!... OHhWHOA!” I see them.  I see more than one, a pair... OH and another pair... and another... two by two they’re walking in front of my driveway... and how lovely of me to provide the music...

Well thank goodness the last time they knocked, I was smart enough to kindly ask if they had a Do Not Call List and if they did, please place me on it.  So they did and I am.  But I don’t think my Hubby knew that because as the parade was passing in front of my house, so was my Hubby!  I saw his BIG truck drive right by and not come back for at least 10 minutes... what’s up with that?

This is not the first or the worst of my many encounters with the Jehovah's Witnesses... 

               **insert going back in time music here**

After a wild gurlz night out with my roommate and cousin, well, uhhh... I kind of lost my cousin J... I know, I know... how do you lose your cousin?  Well after a couple, or maybe a few more, those darn Razztinis... she sorta got... umm... lost?  Hmmm... 

I tried tracking J down, I looked on the dance floor it was a good song!... looked under the barstools that's where I'd be, even looked under the bathroom stalls calling her name "Are you some kind of weirdo!"... but all I got was the bouncer saying that he saw her puking by the dumpster... Oh... Great... just great.

After my many unsuccessful attempts at locating J, I went home and endured the rest of the night or was it morning? through drunken spells of dizzy... waiting and listening for the phone to ring... hoping to hear J’s voice, and feeling more and more nauseous by the moment... oooOOOHHHH!!... good thing for that bucket by the door!  

VICTORY AT LAST! The phone call came in and J is safe and sound and I think through the haze of my brain she said she was on her way to my place.  I passed out for a bit, still in my clothes from the night before and looking like the cat had dragged me in, when I heard a knock... YES!!  Thank Gaaawd J is here and I don’t have to tell her Mom that I lost her!  Boy, now that would be a family conversation that would be brought up at every family get together!  I have never been so happy or so relieved, or so huungoverrr, to answer the door.  

I staggered out of bed and scrambled to the door...  my head was in a foggy cloud I thought I was indoors?...  In my haste, I kicked the bucket, almost knocking it over, losing my balance and stumbled over it while simultaneously reaching for the door knob and flung myself with a smile on my face and the stench of an all nighter at the people who were standing in the doorway...  “HIIIiii... ummm...YOU’RE not J!!”

And that my Dear Friend, was the worst encounter EVER with those people.  

Oh my goodness, looky here, my cup is empty and I’m hoping that the Do Not Call list doesn’t expire for another few years... should I inform the Hubby?  Nah, it makes for a good post... Until we meet again my Dear Friend... Just let them knock or keep a full bucket by the door... Ta Ta!