PR People Make My Lipstick Smudge!

Well Hello-hello my Dear Friend... I’ve been expecting you!  I know Darling, it’s been awhile... I’ve been up to my eyeballs in media relations and I can’t seem to cut through all these emails!  Enough about that, for now... Come make yourself comfy, I’ve got a strong brew to fill your cup...

I am exasperated to say the least by all the emails that are flooding my inbox sent by these annoying PR/Media people who have no clue how the world of the BlogSphere works!  These schmucks think that we bloggers will write and advertise their products for free... What the hey?  

I am constantly bombarded with notes of how much these people enjoy my blog and how ‘family friendly’ my content is... Really??  Family friendly?  Since when is butt crack family friendly?  Or how about MILFs?  Explain that one to your 8 year old!

It is obviously clear that these PR people are a bit simpleminded and they could use my help in making their way through Blogland... So Darling, if you have the need to send this post to those irritating people in the PR department, please DO, compliments of Caffe!

PR People, get your notebooks out... this is for you! 

DO use the bloggers name in the intro of your email.  It shows that you actually took the time to notice.

Don’t not mention the blog’s name and it’s a guarantee that the delete button gets clicked faster than I can apply my lipstick.

DO peruse the blog to see what the blog has to offer, if what you are selling compliments what the blog is about, contact the owner.

Don’t bother the blog owner with irrelevant information that has nothing to do with lipstick, Stoli Elit, Prada Shoes, MILFy clothes, what the blog content is about.  For instance... my blog is about a hot MILF named Caffe who is obsessed with lipsticks and likes to ridicule other Mommys’ bad behaviors.  What that means to a PR person?  Don’t send me a press release on lactating... ooops... lactation consultant Sara Chana... and PLEASE note, I’m a MILF!  I don’t need America’s #1 authority, Bob Harper to tell me how to lose weight... I’m perfect the way I am! 

 DO ask the blog owner if they would be interested in what you are promoting and also include how you will compensate the blog owner for working on this project with you. 

Don’t tell the blog owner they should write about your product!  Nothing muddles my lipstick more than getting an email that tells me what I should write about... worse yet, if it’s a product that has nothing to do with what I write... Hmmmph!

So there you have it... communications 101 for those who work in public relations.  It should be a no brainer... after all, these people are in public relations!  If there is a need for any other advice on how to behave in the Land of Bloggers, I would be happy to assist.

My cup is empty and I need to get back to work... I have many emails to delete, hmmm... maybe I’ll send them this post instead.  Until next time my Dear Friend... Ta Ta!

Lip Balm on Sandpaper... I Don't Think So!

Hello my Darling Friend... I’m SO pleased that you are here!  Make yourself comfy and let me fill your cup...  Today’s blend is a fine blend of, ‘You’re boring.  You’re bland.  Umm, not sure how many ways to say... “It taste like cardboard!”’

Caffe!  How rude!  Yes my Dear, I know that the cold, hard truth, can sometimes be... well... freezing!  Let me explain before you send out the cavalry...

I help a FABulous Mommy who has created a blogging social network called, Blogaholic.  Yes Darling, I’m on the admin team and I’m the hostess with the mostess greeting new members and answering whatever questions they have that I have NO IDEA what the answer is.  I’m a mini celeb there, and so naturally I get questions like these... 

Hi Caffeinated, 

because you have such a wonderful blog and you seem to have a lot of followers, will you stop by my blog and let me know what you think?  Thanks!  

Or this...  

Hi OC Mommy,

I was wondering, how do you get people to comment? I’ve had my blog for awhile now and I leave comments on other blogs, but it seems like no matter what I try I don’t have more comments or followers.  Any advice?

Why yes... yes I do have some advice... try not writing!  CAFFE!!!  WHAT??  Am I  SOoo wrong?  Save these poor souls from wasting their time!  Not all bloggers can write, some are excellent readers.  And not all bloggers have a good sense of design, just look at their sense of fashion in the photos they display for all to see!  Put the two together... it’s like wearing blue eyeshadow with a bright red lipstick... it’s just not pretty!

Oh, alright... I’m not that blunt when giving my opinion, but to give them pointers is quite, well... er... ummm... like putting lip balm on a piece of sandpaper!  Sandpaper will not soften no matter how much lip balm is used and it’s a very messy procedure...

So what do you tell them Caffe?  I ask them if they love it.  If they love it, then who am I to give advice?  But just in case they want more of a critique, I do have... drumroll please...

Caffe’s 3 Cs for Blogging...

1) Content- I know Darling, this is a bit obvious... but honestly, sometimes when I visit a new blog, the content is all over the place or it has none!  These blogs need a purpose, or not... if that’s what’s for breakfast... but if that’s the case, then it shouldn’t be a surprise to the blog owner that there’s not a whole lot of activity going on.  Good writing is what attracts a reader and keeps them coming back for more!

2) Keep it Clean!-  And I’m not talking about the writing itself... I’m talking about all the clutter in the side bars.  What a junk yard!  Blogs with a million widgets and pop up ads muddle my lipstick and drive me to click on the escape button ASAP!!  And if there are side bars on both sides of the actual post with this kind of hodgepodge... Eeeekkk... run away... run away... 

3) Consistency- Exactly!  You my Dear Friend, know that when you visit moi,  you receive a warm greeting each and every time you visit.  You also know that I’ll fill your cup with a few giggles, some complaining, and I’ll almost always find a way to add lipstick to my posts.  True?  True!  Even if the posts are random, the blog format for the most part, should remain consistent. 

Okay my Darling, my cup is empty and I need to go and powder my nose... I need to look absolutely gorgeous for my admiring fans... Huh?  Boring?  You?  Never my Dear Friend, besides... you have meee to keep you on your toes!  Until next time my non-boring friend... Ta Ta! 

Cups Up! Quote of the Week...

"I like being a woman, not a girl."  
    Sharon Stone




Here, here Ms. Stone!  And a woman with a sexy strut and a bold lip color... Oooh, that's me!

RUN!!! Caffe Had A FULL Pot!

Hello hello my Dear Friend... Welcome and it’s such a pleasure to have you here!  How’s everything going for you?  Good I expect, as the beginning of the New Year is always a hopeful time.  Speaking of hopeful, I’m hoping to see better parenting skills over the next 11 months... Uh oh, I think we’re about to find out how much caffeine Caffe’s been drinking!

Ah yes, the New Year... out with the old... in with the new or renewed Mommy Lessons that all have forgotten in the past and need to be reminded about once again!  I’ve got a strong blend today that will make most Mommys cringe with the uncomfortable feeling that their panties are in a tight wad!

 Yes Darling, I know that you’ve mastered these lessons, but I’ve been noticing on a daily basis how lazy and downright ignorant parenting has become!  So forward this lesson on to those who need a little reminder of what good parenting is all about.  Let’s get started...

First of all, this is a huge lesson... so we’ll have to take this in small, manageable increments, one topic at a time, to fully grasp why each subject is so important.  There is not one that is more important than the other, they all intermingle when it comes to being a good Mommy.

Topic #1-  Stop letting media dictate the environment of your household.  YOU are the Mommy of your house, keep your environment the way you want your children to be nurtured.   

Did you get that?  Media- AKA... (1)shut the friggin’ TV off!! (2)not all radio station are appropriate, change the channel! (3)magazine covers are NOT for all eyes!

(1)shut the friggin’ TV off!!- Okay, pretty self explanatory, but I have to remind Mommys that TV is just not the same as it was in the past.  TV was a friendlier place with news that was actually tactful and didn’t show everything and  sitcoms actually had some morals to it.  I mean, yes, of course it was fiction, but I’d much prefer the way relations worked on shows such as Family Ties, The Cosby Show, even Friends over the inept social/family behaviors of the Kardashians, The Jersey Shore, or one of those Housewives Shows.  Period.  

The Kardashians or shows that are similar, make one feel... well, that it’s okay to have no values, to be deceitful, that it’s all about the money.  Is that really the behavior that a good Mommy wants to emulate or have her children be a part of?  I think not, and media really puts it in your face to make a buck and everyone seems to be buying it, even the new Mommys.  Turn it off and put on some Vivaldi.

(2)not all radio station are appropriate, change the channel!- There are songs on the radio that would drop your Granny’s jaw to the ground!  Songs today talk freely about smoking weed, tonight I’m bleeping you (like you can’t tell what the bleep is!), strippers on a pole, touch my bleep, whips and chains, run faster than my bullet... is this really what we want our children to hear?  I don’t have a problem with these songs when I’m in the car alone, but when it’s on a top rated radio station that anybody can click on the switch, even your 6 year old... then that’s a problem as these lyrics aren’t meant for them!  Good Mommys pay attention and are aware of lyrics to popular songs on the radio.  You think you’re kids aren’t listening?  Think again and change the channel!

(3)magazine covers are NOT for all eyes!- Please, for the love of bright, bold lipstick... do not leave gossip magazines all over the coffee table for your little ones to see!  Do you really want your little Monkey gazing at the images and taking in scandalous photos with big, colorful text... SNOOKIE CAUGHT IN SEX VIDEO TAPE WITH HER 2 ROOMATES!... well, not sure if that was a real headline, but it could be!  


Pay attention to what’s in plain view to your children.  Do they really need to be exposed to such negativity and think later on in their lives that this kind of smut is the norm?  Sheesh, I hope not!

Our children are our future.  Help them succeed in becoming caring adults by keeping your household environment gentle, genuine, and kind... isn’t that one of the many goals of good parenting?

My cup is empty and I’ll be brewing up another blend of ‘Mommy Lessons’ in the very near future.  So in the meanwhile, tell me Darling, how do you deal with negative media?  Until next time my Dear Friend... Ta Ta!