Helloooooo at last... hugs, hugs, I know you've missed me! Come sit down, as I have so much to tell you! I have a fresh pot waiting and ready for you...Yes, my trip to the tropics was absolutely divine! The sunsets, the Mai Tais, ohhhh, and yes, my red lipstick was perfect for catching the bartenders attention when I needed a refill. If only I didn't have to come back and fill my obligations to the shopping boutiques so soon...
You know, it really doesn't matter how far you travel, you can always spot awful parenting the same way you can spot a pair of Jimmy Choo knock offs... Horrendous I tell you! Even the tropical trade winds couldn't blow away the bad behavior of the naughty Mommys that were sitting within ear shot of my cabana, a bit to close for my comfort zone. So when the time comes and you've decided to go globe trotting with the little ones in tow, please keep in mind the little bit of Mommy advice & etiquette that I'm giving you today.
* Notorious B.I.G. does not sing children's lullabies.
* Cackling at 2 am and shouting words such as, "Fu#k yeah, hand me another beer!" is not conducive for pleasant dreams for the little ones OR your neighbors that happen to have their windows open enjoying the night air.
* 3 packs of opened cigarettes, a full ashtray and last night's beer cans sitting on the outside table next to the pink water wings does not make for a pretty table arrangement.
* And finally, if you want to behave like the Jersey Shore cast, please do so in JERSEY and leave your kids at Nana and Papa's house!
Well looky here, the pot is empty and I do have to fix my lipstick. I'm going to shoo you off for now so I can unpack my bikinis and put away my favorite perfume. Come back again and I'll fill your cup with more smiles. Ta Ta!
But can I use my kids as bartenders? After all it would teach them a valuable skill so that they could make money after they are tierd of bringing me cocktails all day.
ReplyDeleteWhy on Earth would they bring their kids? Don't they have nannies for that kind of thing? Oh wait, maybe Snookie has added "small human watcher" to her list of occupations. Yikes.
ReplyDeletep.s. Lol @ Jenn's comment. Hmmm..I may have to rethink this one...
Welcome back! It's amazing what kinds of things "parents" will do on vacation. I think they forgot that they made a commitment to a different kind of life when they decided to have kids.
ReplyDeleteKids as bartenders... hmmmm... I see your point Jenn but I just have to give that a resounding, "NO!" LOL xoxo
ReplyDeleteWell Hello Zany H.! To answer your question, there are those who are high class and those that pretend to be high class. I think there were lots of pretenders that won a free trip by saving all their box tops! xoxo
ReplyDeleteKaren, I completely agree with you! Cups up! xoxo
ReplyDeleteWelcome back Girlfriend! That's great advice. Maybe we should compile a list of resorts that classy mommys can vacation with their families (no riff raff allowed) lol.
ReplyDeleteChar
The Epic Adventures of a Modern Mom
http://1epicmom.com
LOVE your table arrangement comment... that is priceless!
ReplyDeleteWelcome back!!!
Welcome home! And thanks for the advice :)
ReplyDeleteIt's too bad there is no "parenting degree" required before people have kids.
I MUST be on another time zone as I can't seem to find my favorite lipstick OR thank you for all the lovely comments! Now I need to fix my mascara as it's not waterproof and you gals are making me tear up... xoxo
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad your back!
ReplyDeleteSo an overflowing ashtray and packs of smokes near pink water wings are not a good photo op? Well now what will I do for family pictures. *sigh*
Great tips. Although it is sad that there are actually parents out there that need these!
ReplyDeleteHappy to have you back in the bloggy world!
Oh Bernie, you could always photoshop! lol xoxo
ReplyDeleteI know you don't need these tips Brittany, but it's fun to put this stuff out there for those who might ponder the idea... I think I'll ponder for a bit on which shade of lipstick I should wear today... xoxo
Hey hon,
ReplyDeleteI decided to start an 'Epic blog of the week' section in the sidebar of my blog. You my dear, are my first blog to be featured! Yay!!! Check it out in my left sidebar!
Hugs,
Char
The Epic Adventures of a Modern Mom
http://1epicmom.com
Oh now Char, you're gonna make my mascara run... xoxo
ReplyDelete