PLEASE Don't Be A Clueless Mommy!

Hello my FABulous Friend... I’m SOOoo glad that you’re here with moi!  Make yourself comfy, and let me fill your cup with a fresh brew of, ‘Stupid Mommy, Pay Attention to Your Kid!’...

Yesterday I went to my favorite spot to purchase more peanut butter... little did I know that I would be needing to replenish my boxes of hair color too... standing in the aisle I got scared out of my wits and jumped right out of my Jimmy Choo shoes!  What scared the living daylights out of me was not another butt crack incident, but the unexpected sheer volume of a thunderous voice behind me... 

EMILY ROSE!!!!!  GET YOUR FANNY BACK OVER HERE THIS VERY SECOND... WAIT ‘TIL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU!!!!

Oh. My. Gawd!  Run child, RUN!!  No, I didn’t say this out loud for fear that this so called Mommy would put her hands on meeee and my precious contents in my shopping cart... it was less than a dozen lipsticks Darling, I promise!  

The child was... mmm... about 3ish...  3ish???  What the heck?  Really?  If this woman could scare the buhJesus out of me, a grown MILF, how must this child feel every time her Mommy calls for her?  And the worst part?  It’s the Mommy’s fault for not paying attention to her own child!!  

Clue #1 that this was the Mommy’s fault...

If a Mommy has a child that they know is a little escape artist, then STRAP THEM IN!!    Obviously, this particular child was not.  Nothing muddles my lipstick more than a Mommy screaming top lung at her little firecracker when all the Mommy had to do was put the child in the shopping cart.

Clue #2 that this was the Mommy’s fault...

The Mommy WAS NOT paying attention to where her child was.  Can we say, “Half the length of a football field not paying attention!”???  Ridiculous and absolutely uncalled for, no matter how quick those little legs could run.

Clue #3 that this was the Mommy’s fault...

When Mommys shop with their friends, sometimes top priorities get lost in the giggles of being with another Mommy.  Of course it’s FABulous being with another Mommy, but we still must remember our responsibilities... I know this was one of the many reasons for this Mommy’s lack of awareness when it came to her child, as I saw the friend come around the corner.

Well Darling, my lipstick is smudged and I don’t think I can stomach another cup!  Mommys who are unaware are setting a bad example for their own kids.  These Mommys are teaching their children that it’s okay to ignore responsibilities, take chances with another’s vulnerability and if all else fails, use forceful threats to make it right.  I don’t think so... 

Mommy Lesson moral for the day?  The same as always... Pay attention and be aware of your child’s environment.  We Mommys need to keep them safe until they can fend for themselves... not fend from their Mommy.

Until next time my Darling, stay FABulous... Ta Ta!  xoxo

Cups Up! Quote of the Week...

"If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun."  
Katharine Hepburn




Gee Darling, I must be breaking a lot of rule...

Bogging? or Blogging? Helpful Tips from Caffe...

Hello and Welcome my Dear Dear Friend... It’s always a joy when you stop by to get your cup filled!  I have a nice pot of, ‘Tips for the New Blogger with a pinch of... Reminder Tips for Those Who Already Knew.’

Here we go... now Darling... what have you noticed about the online world since becoming a blogger?  Yes my Dear... that’s right!  It’s an enormous, never ending black hole, an always changing environment, that is filled with... Experts!  Everyone is now a pro on any given topic even if they’re not.  They have blogs, they write reviews, they have followers and are a part of some sort of community... they have access to Twitter, Triberr, Pinterest and Facebook, but truly Darling, does any of it matter?

But Caffe, what are you talking about and what does any of this have to do with blogging tips?  What am I talking about?  Hmmm... was it lipstick?  HA!  Just kidding... I know we weren’t talking about lipstick my Dear, but speaking of lipstick... have I told you that I found brands that were unleaded?  You know me, I couldn’t live without my little tubes of shimmer!  I purchased a tube of... wait a second... TIPS not LIPS!! 

Now that I got that in order... back to the business of blogging tips.

What I was talking about before I got distracted was this... bloggers are a dime a dozen.  There, I said it.  So now that I got that out into the open... how are you going to get your blog noticed with gazillions of other blogs out there in the BlogSphere?  

Umm, Caffe?  Isn’t that what you were going to tell me?  Me?  OH!...*ahem*... yes of course... because you know me Darling, I’m a MILF!  And MILFs can do anything. 

Tip #1- Determine what kind of blog you have or would like to have.  Nothing muddles my lipstick more than visiting a blog that has no rhyme or reason.  

Figure out your passion.  Is it cooking?  Is it an online family journal?  Are you venting?  Do you want to share with others your incredible knowledge of sea turtles?  I don’t know Darling.. but hey, you might like sea turtles and just not know it!   

An example of a blog dedicated to the blog owner’s passion is... The Big Green Bowl.  My Dear Friend Michael Ann has a passion for baking up... DELISHousness!!  I have to retouch my lipstick every time I visit her.

Tip #2- Write with passion.  There’s that word again!  But quite frankly Darling, as a reader, when perusing the Blogsphere, the blog that will catch my eye is the blog that I feel the energy jump right off my computer screen and suck me into their world.  You know what I’m talking about my Dear, you feel like you’re in the same room, sitting right next to this person like you have been BFF since the beginning of time.  That’s passion, that’s fire... and my Darling Friend, Mommy Bags, is a fine example of your best gal pal sitting and drinking a glass of red and nudging you for a refill.

Tip #3- Set yourself apart and be CREATIVE.  With a click of a button, one can change the color of the text.  With a few adjectives, one can be a storyteller.  With an amazing ability to lie create stories, one can become anybody they want... and most choose to become... an expert at what they love best.  

I know of a FABulous blog that is constantly thinking outside of the box and has become quite proficient at becoming a lipstick fiend, modern day Zsa Zsa, with the ability to say it like it is.  Need I say more about the creative expert that is Caffeinated OC Mommy?

My goodness, my cup is empty and I need to fix my lipstick.  I hope I’ve given you something to think about the next time you start a new post or even a new blog.  Does any of it matter?  Yes Darling, it matters to one person and one person only... your biggest fan, and that fan is you!  Have a lovely day my Sweet...  Ta Ta!

Mommys... Draw the Line!

Welcome and Hello my Darling Friend... I’m always so delighted when you come for a visit.  Come sit, make yourself comfy... and let me fill your cup...

I’ve always been up front, no beating around the bush for this lipstick loving fiend!  Even my Mommy Lessons have offended many as I do not shy away from speaking up.  But please know, my intentions are to encourage and remind Mommys that we are in it together, to learn from each other and to help those that need a little extra guidance.

This blog has never gone down the political path as I know that everyone has the right to their opinions and that’s what makes our country so great.  I have never taken a Right or Left stance here at Caffeinated OC Mommy, but I AM gonna start taking a stand on something that I believe in with all my heart, our children.  They are our future.

Since posting about lead in lipsticks and toxic chemicals found in industry leaders such as Johnson & Johnson and Procter & Gamble, I’ve been researching and learning more and more each day how screwed up big corporations are and how messed up industries of all types really are... it’s about their pocketbooks and their bottom line, they don’t care about our health or the health of our children.  How very UNAmerican.  

As Mommys, where do we draw the line?  Do we let these big boxes tell us what to buy?  Do we let them keep poisoning our children because we won’t demand that these companies make products that are safe?  It’s not just the personal care products that we trusted that are harmful, it’s also the food industry, our education system, and the stupid politicians that want to let these industries keep doing what they do... how can we as Mommys let these foolish people do this to our kids and their future?  

I’m mad as hell... and you should be too.  I will be posting about the changes that I’ll be making in my household as often as I can, updating you on my quest to keep my family (and yours) healthy. 

My cup is empty... my heart is heavy, I will take a stand for our children, and I hope you will stand by my side.  Kisses to you my Dear Dear Friend... Ta Ta!  

More Mommy Lessons With Caffe...

Hello my Dear Friend... As always it’s such a pleasure when you stop by for a visit!  I’ve got a fresh blend of, ‘Are You Frickin' Kidding Me?  STOP ignoring your kids!’ to fill your cup with... Yes indeed, Mommy Lessons are on the way... and here’s a heads up Darling... this pot is strong!

As always my Dear, YOU are exempt from these lessons as I know you are an absolutely FABulous Mommy... so just forward this lesson on to those Mommys who need it, as I know there are many!  Now, let’s begin... 

Mom, Mommy, Mother, Mama... whatever name that was given to you by your first born, please... please take your new name seriously!  I can’t believe how many Mommys I see when I’m out and about that choose to not answer when their child is screaming calling for them.  I know, I know... but it’s a phase Darling, and before you know it, your child won’t call you for anything!  And then when you call your child, guess what?  They’ll ignore you just like you’ve been ignoring them... my goodness... and then we’ll have another great communicator running for a senate seat!

Mommys who ignore what their child is doing at any given moment... this section is for you!  I have names for Mommys in question and they usually fit under one of three labels: They are either ignorant, unaware, or just plain stupid.  Oooh... I have an idea... Let’s see if you can categorize the following Mommy moments that I have witnessed in the recent past few weeks...

Mommy Moment #1- Letting their teething infant eat the paper label off a water bottle.  Come on... which category would you put this Mommy in?

Mommy Moment #2-  Toddler is being entertained by knocking over all the little goodies at the check out counter while Mommy is talking to cashier and not correcting her child.  This one is a toughy as I forgot to include lazy ass disciplinary as one of the categories!

Mommy Moment #3- Mommy has four children, 5 years and under.  Child #1 is running around and around the shopping cart, poking and teasing child #3 who is in the seat of the cart and child #2 who is standing in the middle of the basket trying to climb over the wobbly cart to get her revenge on child #1... where is Mommy?  With her back turned not holding on to the cart, chatting with a store employee about how old her newest addition is (child #4 is in a snuggly carrier), blocking anyone who needs to get through.  Hmmm... I’ll give this one a break as this Mommy must be sleep deprived and probably been walking around like the dead for quite some time now...

Answers: 

MM#1- Ignorant?  No.  I really don’t think this action has anything to do with not being educated.  Unaware?  Absolutely not.  If you have an infant in an infant carrier, Mommy is looking directly at baby.  Just plain stupid?  Ding ding ding... Winner!  Why on earth would you ever let your baby eat paper that has been chemically processed with ink and who knows what other harmful toxics that it took to make the label? 

MM#2- I’ll give you this question as not all categories were present from the beginning.  My point with MM#2?  DISCIPLINE YOUR CHILD.  A few stern words and a sharp look  can stop a child in his tracks, but you have to be consistent.

MM#3- I’ll make this Mommy the object lesson... If one cannot keep their children safe out and about in a public place... DON’T HAVE ANYMORE KIDS until you can.  This Mommy is the perfect example of an easy target for anyone to take a child and run.  There is so much disorderly conduct and confusion which makes for a perfect cover... no one will even notice until it’s too late.

So... how did you do with this little exercise?  Did it help?  Are you seeing the big picture?  Oh good, as it is my intentions to share my knowledge on what being a good Mommy is all about.  And isn’t that the goal?  To set an example worthy for our children to learn daily from the person they love and trust the most... their Mommy.

Well Darling, my cup is empty... but don’t worry, I’ll brew a new pot of Mommy Lessons in the very near future.  Until then, stay focused and pay attention... you’ll be a FABulous Mommy in no time...  Ta Ta!