Sunday, May 29, 2011

Oral Contraceptives Should Be Hot Pink & Glow in the Dark!

Well Hello! It’s so nice to have you back! I’ve got a fresh pot of controversy ready to go...

This topic is a bit, well... kind of on the private side, but I know I can chat with you about it and you’ll laugh with me and hopefully not at me! It’s about my birth control method, oral contraceptives, you know, the pill. I must say, somebody up above has a good sense of humor when it comes to me and the pills that I take!

The predicaments I find myself in, to avoid having another child have been rather amusing through the years and I was reminded the other night how silly one can behave when looking for an object that is a hair bigger than a pinhead and blends so nicely on the granite countertop! As I was searching the countertop, yet again, I thought to myself, “Why do the manufacturers make these pills so hard to see? And why do I keep putting the darn pill on the counter when getting my glass of water if I can’t ever find where I left it? I would make the pills hot pink or fluorescent orange if I had my way!” Then my mind recalled pill dilemmas from the past and I had to giggle.

Pushing the microscopic pill from the plasticky, tinfoil bubble onto the palm of my hand has always been easy enough, except on the rare occasion(s) that the pill would pop out too far and go skydiving down, down, down into the abyss known as the kitchen floor and I’m hoping to hear the tiny pill land on the tile and not on the carpet so as to know approximately the point of its final destination. On my hands and knees is of course about the right time when Hubby enters the kitchen and says, “Dropped your pill again?” Now both of us are on all fours and thank goodness it’s late in the night as the children are sleeping and there is no need to explain to them why Mommy & Daddy are crawling around on the kitchen floor acting like dogs who are searching for that last bit of food crumbs left behind from dinner.

Then there’s the “I forgot to take my pill” quandary. Who made up the stupid rule that you have to take the pill at exactly the same time 24 hours later? Don’t they know I’m never on time for anything? Yikes! Do I take 2 pills to make up for my lateness? Skip one day, double up on the next? Oh, okay, I’ll try that... Like I said, God is a comedian and I’m surprised that I don’t have more kids!
Goodness me, I have been rattling on and on not realizing that the pot is empty. Thanks for stopping by I need to go and powder my nose and, oh yes... take my pill!

Ta Ta for now! xoxo

Thursday, May 26, 2011

How Not To Behave on Family Vacations

Helloooooo at last... hugs, hugs, I know you've missed me! Come sit down, as I have so much to tell you! I have a fresh pot waiting and ready for you...

Yes, my trip to the tropics was absolutely divine! The sunsets, the Mai Tais, ohhhh, and yes, my red lipstick was perfect for catching the bartenders attention when I needed a refill. If only I didn't have to come back and fill my obligations to the shopping boutiques so soon...

You know, it really doesn't matter how far you travel, you can always spot awful parenting the same way you can spot a pair of Jimmy Choo knock offs... Horrendous I tell you! Even the tropical trade winds couldn't blow away the bad behavior of the naughty Mommys that were sitting within ear shot of my cabana, a bit to close for my comfort zone. So when the time comes and you've decided to go globe trotting with the little ones in tow, please keep in mind the little bit of Mommy advice & etiquette that I'm giving you today.

* Notorious B.I.G. does not sing children's lullabies.

* Cackling at 2 am and shouting words such as, "Fu#k yeah, hand me another beer!" is not conducive for pleasant dreams for the little ones OR your neighbors that happen to have their windows open enjoying the night air.

* 3 packs of opened cigarettes, a full ashtray and last night's beer cans sitting on the outside table next to the pink water wings does not make for a pretty table arrangement.

* And finally, if you want to behave like the Jersey Shore cast, please do so in JERSEY and leave your kids at Nana and Papa's house!

Well looky here, the pot is empty and I do have to fix my lipstick. I'm going to shoo you off for now so I can unpack my bikinis and put away my favorite perfume. Come back again and I'll fill your cup with more smiles. Ta Ta!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Bon Voyage!

My, I’m so happy to see you again. Come on in, let me fill your cup, I’ve got some news for you. Do you want the good news or the bad news first? The good? Well let me share! I’m leaving bright and early tomorrow for an all inclusive, first class trip to a luxury spa resort in the tropics! Yes, I’m absolutely in static and I’m packing all my favorite lipsticks! I’ve got rose colored, bronze, mauve... red, do you think red is to harsh for the tropics? Well, I’ll just pack it anyway, you never know... OH, powder, that’s right! I’ll need to powder my nose when I’m gazing at myself in the reflection of the crystal clear blue waters...

Now for the bad news... you’ll miss me! Who else is going to fill your cup when I’m away? You know I brew the best controversy! It’s only 10 days and I promised myself to relax and leave all the cares of the world behind, including my computer. Stop sniffling, I’ll be home soon enough and we can chat about all the different exotic drink recipes that I’m about to try.

So on that note, when I’m sitting under the cabana with my Mai Tai in my hands, I’ll think of you and wonder, “Should I have left the red lipstick behind?”

Until I come back with a gorgeous tan, Ta Ta for now! xoxo

Why No One is Hiring Seniors...


Monday, May 16, 2011

Caffeinated OC Mommy Chooses LMAO Blog Post of the Week

Well Hello! I’m so glad you’ve come back as I’m feeling much more composed since our last visit together. I don’t know what gets into me when I see another parent being a complete idiot when it comes to raising their children, well, enough about that... Sit down, I’ve made a fresh pot of something different today. As much as this Mommy loves controversy, I just as much adore a good cup of laughter! Not just any old cup of laughter, but a good hardy, laugh out loud, tummy hurting, almost wet my panties kind of laughter. It’s good for us as long as it doesn’t ruin our make-up! So let me fill your cup with some laughter, and I’ll tell you all about the blogs I’ve been reading that have been making me giggle.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Insane, Crazy, No Good, Rotten, Two Bit Mommy Gives Her 8 Year Old Pageant Daughter BOTOX!

OH, Hello, you caught me off guard... but that's okay as I DO enjoy when you stop by. I was in the middle of brewing some fresh controversy when all of a sudden... THIS caught my eye!!!! I don't think I have words to describe what kind of a Mother does this to her child. Just the other day, we had this conversation about The Stupid Choices Moms Make, and THIS Mom takes the cake! I NEED a STRONG pot of decaf!

Am I the only one who thinks this Mom should go to jail for child abuse? Click link below to read about this insane woman, but be warned, you'll need to come back and share my cup of decaf!
Ta Ta for now, or at least until I can get my nerves calmed! xoxo

Monday, May 9, 2011

The Importance of a Mommys' Night Out and Why YOU Should Attend

Well, Hello, hello... hugs and kisses to you too! I’m SO happy that you’ve come back to visit. It’s been a few days and I have soooo much to tell you! I played Bridge with the gals on Friday night and my goodness, it’s never a dull moment. Yes, yes, sit down and let me pour you a fresh cup...

I know, totally know that you come to see me because I always brew strong controversy! I mean, these poor, unknowing Moms of the OC , they need me! Who else will speak truth when all others hide? The truth always comes out with a few glasses of Sherry (No, it’s not a her) and much truth was spoken at the Friday night bridge gathering.

Friday, May 6, 2011

The Stupid Choices Moms Make

It’s so nice to see you again, I’ve been expecting you! I’ve just made a fresh pot of controversy and I hope it’s not too strong for you, we could always add a little sugar to your cup...

Today’s post is all about those Mommys who make stupid choices or maybe it’s more about lack of common sense when making a decision. Are they the same thing? It’s hard to tell the difference between making a bad decision based on insufficient knowledge and making a bad decision because of ignorance. They look the same, they act the same, so should we treat them the same? Hmmm...

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