Saturday, June 18, 2011

Monkey Repellent, Valium, Jimmy Choo Water Shoes...

Well Hello again my Dear friend!  So glad you’re here, I’ve got a fresh pot of ‘I really don’t want to do this’ to fill our cups...
I know what you’re thinking, “ Caffe, what kind of brew are you serving me this time?”  Well my Darling, I’ve got some news... I’m headed to a land somewhere over the rainbow... far, far away from my usual stomping grounds of beautiful weather and luxurious spas... No, I’m not off to the tropics again, quite the opposite in fact.  The family and I are going to K... Kaa... Kaaannnn,... KANSAS!  My word, I can barely  breathe... 
The midwest, the heartland, the place that became so famous when Dorothy got swept up in a tornado...  I have never been, nor have I ever wanted to go.  Why would I ever leave my fabulous lifestyle minutes away from the Pacific Ocean?  One word.  Family.  
I have family that up and left a beautiful paradise for, ummm, yep, Kansas.  Now I’m not against anyone from Kansas, and for that matter, I’m not against anyone from Timbuktu, if that’s where you grew up,  you have roots and of course there will always be an affection for those places that hold fond memories.  For you.  Not me.
Okay, so we’re leaving this week and I’ve decided not to be sour about it and make lemonade.  Then the phone call came with the list of things that I should pack to be prepared.  Uhhh, prepared?  You mean there’s no 5 star resort in El Dorado?  So the conversation went kind of like this...
Them: “We’re so excited to see you all!”
Me: “Um, yeah, the kids are excited... how’s the weather?”
Them: “Well, the temperature has been in the high 90‘s, but at least we’ve had horrendous thunder showers so it doesn’t seem so bad.  Oh, and the tornado watch is over, well, so says our weather cube in our storm cellar.  Though it’s been on the blink lately.” 
Me: Dropping the receiver, falling on the floor, and asking myself, ‘What the heck is a weather cube?  A storm cellar? And WHY are we doing this again?‘  “Oh, that’s nice.  Should I pack all sleeveless shirts?”
Them: “Oh no, not all sleeveless, the bugs well... which reminds me, bring bug repellent.  We’ve got some bug spray here, but you might want something different for the kids.”
Me: Take deep breaths Caffe!  In... out...  “Bugs?  Like uh, what kind of bugs?  Oh, never mind, bug repellent it is.”  Thunderstorms, tornados, bugs... Breathe, breathe... What about flying monkeys?  Do they even make repellent for flying monkeys?  They must... Oh no, wait... that was in the land of Oz.  
Them: “Oh, don’t forget your water shoes.  I mean, it’s not like Hawaii you know, the water is murky brown at the lake and you might not like how the bottom feels, not being sandy or anything like that...”
Me: “No, I suppose it’s not like Hawaii...”  It’s not like Hawaii???  I knew that, I knew that, not like Hawaii, it’s Kansas.  I wonder if Jimmy Choo makes water shoes?  “Is there anything else I should bring or know about to  prepare the kids?”  I know how to prepare myself... Valium, Costco sized boxes of wine, perhaps a straight jacket...
I got off the phone and rushed to the mirror to make sure my makeup was still intact and that I still looked as gorgeous as ever.  Phew!  It was only a dream, or maybe a nightmare, or, did that phone call even happened?  And then my children’s cheer of, “We’re going to Kansas... we’re going to Kansas!” brought me back to the harsh reality called, ‘Pack your bags, grab your inhaler, you’re going to Kansas!”   
Well, the pot of ‘I really don’t want to do this’ is empty, I guess I should start gathering things from my list.  If I make it back alive, I’m sure I’ll be a chain smoker, but I’ll let you know.  So go on now, save the tears... until next time my Lovely...  
Ta Ta!  xoxo


  1. You crack me up! I'm from the midwest, Iowa. I have a friend from Kansas named Dorothy who likes to actually dress like the Wizard of Oz Dorothy every Halloween. That's all I know about Kansas.

    I'm sure your trip will be... memorable. :)

  2. You have fun in Kansas. I have a rotten old boyfriend from there...Give hime a kick for me!

  3. Jimmy Choo makes some gorgeous little strappy water blue snakeskin 'Ivana' sandals. (Google it... they are gorgeous little things.) That should do it for water shoes. And any perfume by Dolce & Gabbana would work just fine in place of bug repellant. I say, "Go shopping!" Even Kansas must have a department store somewhere. : )

  4. God, PLEASE make sure you wear your water shoes! Even while in the shower - you never know!!! You will survive and I can't wait to hear all about how you did it! I'm sure it will be with style!

  5. flying monkey repellent? HEE-larious!

  6. Well thank you All for the well wishes and advice...

    GGM my Darling, it will be memorable I'm sure! xoxo

    Not sure if I'll be able to find your rotten ex Darling Kristen, otherwise I'd give him the boot just for you! xoxo

    Thanks for the water shoes tips Dear AOCM! xoxo

    Lovely Kim, as long as my water shoes are designer I'll wear them! lol xoxo

    Lisa! So nice of you to drop by my Dear! I know you've been quite busy behind your bar... Cups Up! xoxo

  7. Have a safe trip! How long before we get worried that a tornado swept you up?
    Thanks for stopping by the blog this week...

  8. Have a safe and hopefully sane trip! Another vote here for wear your water shoes!

    can't wait to hear your stories when you get back! ;)

  9. LOL..hmmm sounds like a lot of fun..oh by the way stay away form the Wicked Witch..and enjoy yourself..newest follower..can't wait to read the rest...

  10. Thank you my Darlings, Aimee, HJ, Karen, & MJ! Thank you for the well wishes and concerns about water shoes, tornados, & Wicked Witches... I'm still looking for monkey repellent! Cups Up! xoxo

  11. Ah, Kansas, land of Dorothy... A wonderful movie, not sure I'd be going there on vacation except for family - LOL. Reminds me of visiting my sister in Nebraska and then in Iowa (they move a lot).
    Hope you have a little fun and survive the bugs! Thanks for stopping by my blog the other day!

  12. Love your blog -- great sense of humor!! I hopped over from the Epic mommy link-up. I'm your newest follower {and fellow caffeinated mommy}. You can find me over at -- hope you'll stop by sometime.

  13. Very funny! Never been to Kansas. Have a lovely trip!

  14. Have a safe trip, and don't forget to pack some valium!

  15. This is hilarious! :D We stayed with my sister in Wichita for a couple of months last year! I was able to do a little shopping so you got that covered. Safe travels!

  16. Good Luck to you! I'll be thinking of you. Make sure to pack all your fun lipsticks. Just because you are gonig to Kansas is no excuse for bare lips. *teasing*

  17. Hey! I'm a former OC resident (Huntington Beach). I now live in Charleston, SC. New follower of your blog, look forward to reading more. Please follow back at

  18. You've gotta love those family visits! Hopefully it turns out better than you are expecting...

  19. I'm from the Midwest (South Dakota actually) so beware of those Children of the Corn;-) Put on your best lipstick and they'll leave you alone. Safe travels my friend! Xxooxxoo

  20. Are you gonna be near Wichita? My wife and I would love to take you out! And as a resident Kansan I can tell you it is far worse than you think. The mosquitos are really big this year ;)


Hello Darling,

Have you seen the latest collection of lipstick colors?? Oooooh, I can't help myself! Thanks for stopping by... xoxo

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...