There's NO Place Like Home...

Hellooooo my Darling Friend!  I am back from the land of the flying monkeys!  I have survived Kansas and its 106 degree weather, and I’m hear to tell you that I don’t want to do it again... EVER!  Well... maybe if the Hubby bribes me with more lipsticks...

Speaking of lipsticks, I must unpack all my favorites then head to the nearest lipstick counter as the Olympics are on TV and I need to find an American Red in support of this FABulous event.  Oooh, how do I do it?  A new lipstick for every occasion!

I hope you have been enjoying your summer thus far my Dear and finding all the lipsticks to celebrate the season... you know I am!  Ta Ta my Sweet! 

Caffe Quips- On Oral Contraceptives

On my hands and knees is of course about the right time when Hubby enters the kitchen and says, “Dropped your pill again?”

Caffe Quips- On Take Charge!

Loosen up, life is there for the taking, so grab it... but grab it with passion and of course a nice shade of berry lipstick... 

Caffe Quips- On Loooow Cut Dresses

And then there’s my bellybutton, yeah, okay... so I made some new friends with the valets.

Caffe Quips- On Being a MILF

I’m a MILF.  Uh huh, I am because I said so and words are powerful so if you believe it, than it is... so I do and I am. 

Ka... Kaaaan... KANSAS??

Hello my Dear Darling Friend... it’s an absolute pleasure when you stop by for a visit!  Come make yourself comfy and let me pour you a nice hot cup of, ‘What?!  I need more monkey repellant?’

Oh my goodness gracious Darling, I hope your summer is going FABulous... mine?  Wonderfully relaxing. 

Until

        

the realization  

     

of 

       

my 

       

Hubby’s travel destination...         Kansas.

Ka, Kaaaan.... KANSAS AGAIN??  Do we have to?  I did this trip already last year, why do we have to do it again?  Huh?  80th birthday party?  Will there be lots of booze and medication?  Because you know, Kansas in the middle of summer equates to Caffe having a need to be sedated to handle the alarm on the weather cube that forecasts upcoming tornadoes... the need to not care that the flying insects the size of a small child can be batted away with a shoe and a shrill scream... but most importantly, the need to be sedated when I realize that my favorite lipstick has made a puddle in my purse because the temperature outside is in the TRIPLE digits!!!!

Oh Gawd... I need a drink... do you have a cigarette Darling?  I don’t smoke Caffe.  Huh?  Yeah, me either...

Well Darling *sniff sniff sniff* I guess I should start packing *sniffle sniff sniff*... wish me well and pray for my safe return.  If you don’t hear from me for more than 2 weeks, send out the foot soldiers and a dozen helicopters to come and find me!

In the mean while, I’ve actually figured out how to use the timer thingy to put post up automatically... oooh, I’m getting sooo tech savvy!  So while I’m away, I have a new topic that will make you giggle like a school girl..."Caffe Quips" will help make the time fly while you’re missing me.

Yes, I’m stalling... off to packing I go... hmmm, which lipsticks... which lipsticks?  OH, and the monkey repellant, don’t forget the monkey repellant!  Until next time my Darling Friend... Ta Ta!

Cups Up! Quote of the Week...

“I think every woman should have a blowtorch.” Julia Child 


Hmmm... Now why does this sound like a good idea?  *insert evil lipsticked grin here*

Short Shorts & The MILF Who Wears Them

Hello hello my Darling Friend... I’m absolutely delighted that you are here!  Come sit, I’ve brewed a fresh pot of ‘Who thinks that’s a good idea?’ to fill your cup...

I’m a MILF.  Uh huh, I am because I said so and words are powerful so if you believe it than it is... so I do and I am.  Oooh, I am just soooo confident!  Love that about moi!  And you should see me with a shimmery mauve on my pretty pucker, the whole room stops in their tracks... meee modest?  Never!

Ummm, Caffe?  What’s in your cup today?  What Darling?  My cup?  OHhh... yes, I uh... I was wanting to chat about the people who design little girls clothing and dressing them up like MILFs but it wouldn’t be MILFs it would be more like miniature Hoochie Mamas and I started going down the path of being a MILF and I got all lost talking about myself because I just adore talking about myself and... 

WAIT A SEC!  I wanted to talk about me being a MILF, did I do that?  YES Caffe you did!  Okay, good, because my point was, I can be a MILF but I don’t want to purchase clothing for my Littlest that I would purchase for myself because the clothing I buy is to entice my Hubby and I don’t think the clothes that are made for young girls are age appropriate and should be... enticing?  That’s what I wanted to say.

Littlest needs some new shorts for summer.  Okay, we can do that... off to the store we go.  Do you know what we found when we got there?  A collection of shorter than short shorts, shorts that looked like mini Daisy Dukes, shorts that were ripped up with holes in all the wrong places, and shorts that my Littlest said, “Why wear shorts?  You might as well just wear a bikini bottom!”  

Who designs these clothes and what were they thinking?  It’s bad enough to see short shorts on a Mommy that really shouldn’t be wearing them *see photo above* and then to see it on a 9 year old girl is just as jaw dropping that they are even allowed out of the house wearing that!  Yes, yes, everyone is different and it’s okay for some... but what is appropriate anymore?

Am I so wrong to want kids to look like kids, and to not have them wearing clothing that makes them look like a mini version of Katy Perry?  Yes, I know my Darling, I’m talking about shorts and only shorts and I kind of am overdoing it a bit... BUT, I’m not comfortable letting Littlest wear itsy bitsy teeny weenie shorts!  Maybe I’m old fashioned, I just don’t think it’s a good idea... for her not for me.

Oh looky, my cup is empty and I need to get back to the shopping mall... I saw the cutest little pair of short shorts... I mean, umm, shirts or uhh shoes... *Ahem*  Until next time my Dear Friend... Ta Ta!

Klout? Is That A New Lipstick Color?

Well Hello my Dear Friend... Happy to have you here!  Come in, sit... make yourself comfy... I’ve had several requests over the past few months from new Mommy bloggers wanting me to explain some of the different social media sites that are online and if any of them are worth using to help with their blogging presence.  Hmmm... I think I need to fill our cups right about...      NOW!

There are sooo many social media sites that I don’t even know where to begin... kind of like when I’m at the cosmetic counter(s) at Nordstrom’s and sitting in front of me are at least 100 different shades of lipsticks and that’s just one brand and right across is another... What?  I’m doing it again?  But I’m a lipstick fiend!!  Doesn’t social media and lipstick sound the same?  Oh, all right... 

Social sites, lipsticks, social sites... hmmmph!  Yes, yes, I’m starting... I’ll cover one at a time and today’s post I’ll start with a site you may have heard of, but maybe not so much, Klout.  Have you heard of it my Dear?  Yes, no, it’s always good to have some kind of knowledge about the different sites.  I say some kind, because Darling, that’s about all you’ll get out of this MILF! 

Klout is an online sheesh Darling, of course everything is online! rating site that rates your online influence.  Did that make sense?  That made about as much sense as blue eyeshadow and bright red lipstick... none at all!  HA!  Okay, back to my nonsense explanation about Klout... The scale is from 1- 100, 100 being the very tops and if you are the very tops,  it means you live online 24 hours a day and have no life which would be horrible because than you would never be able to buy more lipsticks EVER!  I mean, me buy more lipsticks... buy more lipsticks?  Gee, mention lipsticks and I start getting fidgety... now, hurry hurry... lipsticks are calling me...

So how does your Klout score go up Caffe?  I have no idea Darling!  lol  I’m serious!  Some little gnome comes out of Googleland and deems you Klout worthy and then your score goes up... Like I said Darling, it’s all in how much time you spend online and interacting with others, that I do know.  Oh, one more thing, if people like you, they give you what’s called a K+ in whatever topic that you’re influential about.  And of course I’m most influential about being a MILF and a lipstick fiend and does Klout have that as a topic?  NOoo!  Hmmmph...

Is Klout worth using as a Mommy blogger?  Well it depends my Dear... if you plan on monetizing your blog, then becoming a member of Klout would probably be a good choice especially if you’re trying to make a presence for yourself online.  There are businesses that actually take a looksy to see if you have a Klout score if they plan on doing business with you.  It’s not an end all if you choose not to become a member, but it does let future prospects know what kind of influence you have online in a round about way.  Round about way?  Yes, round about, because not everyone uses Klout.

So there you have it... short cut 101, kind of sort of explanation of Klout by Caffe... better than reading the whole darn TOS page!  Next up... Which lipstick color would be best when visiting Facebook... HA!  Made you look twice... Have a FABulous Day my Darling Friend!  Until next time... Ta Ta!

Celebrate Our Freedom!

Happy Birthday America!  My Cup is Up!

**This FABulous picture of Old Glory was taken by my Darling Friend Christine**