The Return of the Summertime Mommy...

Hello hello my Dear Dear Friend... I'm SO delighted that you are here!  Come on in, make yourself comfy and get ready to review a Mommy Lesson from the past...


With summer right around the corner, I thought I would brush up on my own Summertime Mommy behavior and after rereading this past lesson I realized something... I'm already an excellent Mommy!  And you know what Darling?  I know you are too.
  
So pass this Mommy Lesson on to those who can use it... or as one of my Darling readers suggested, make a copy and post it up on the bulletin board located at the community pool...



The Dos & Don'ts of the Summertime Mommy 

Now that school is coming to an end and summer is upon us, we need to be reminded of our ever changing roles as Mommys. Like the changing seasons, our common sense must be in sync with the weather and summertime is a critical time for fine tuning our Mommy P's and Q's. With so many outdoor activities to attend, let's go over a few dos and don'ts of the befitting summertime Mommy and take some mental notes, shall we?

• DO make sure you have sunscreen with you and apply evenly.
• DON'T have your teenage son's friend help you get the middle of your back. And while I'm at it, don't ask someone else's husband either.
• DO have outdoor gatherings with friends and family.
• DON'T have so many wine coolers that you can't find your rump OR your children and you're stumbling across the lawn calling your child's name and asking those around you if they've seen Billy.
• DO have a proper cover up that can take you from the pool to an outdoor cafe.
• DON'T confuse the meaning of casual attire for cut off, ripped up shorts and a bikini top. And if you DO get confused, at least make sure your rear isn't hanging out or that the holes in your shorts are not in inappropriate places.
• DO dress Mommy appropriate when in the company of many small children and teenaged boys.
• DON'T wear your thong on family beach days or wear skimpy clothing to the neighborhood barbecue. Wearing less than your teenage daughter makes for good gossip around the 'hood' at your expense and embarrasses your children as they will find out from your neighbors kids what's being said about you.

Now I know that we've all seen Moms that can be quite forgetful when it comes to summertime Mommy etiquette, so pass this reminder on to those that might need a little extra help with their Mommy manners. 


OH, my goodness we've emptied the pot again! Well I guess it's a good thing, as I plan on going to the store to find myself a lipstick that matches my thong, uh... I mean my bikini... Well off you go, shoo... until next time my Darling Friend... Ta Ta!

Please Remember...

3 Day Weekend? YIPPEE!!

Hello Darling!  Are you gearing up for a FABulous weekend?  I sure am and I need to make sure that my best lipsticks are sitting right next to my mirror... I need them handy for whatever adventure comes my way. Be safe, have fun, and I'll see you after the holiday weekend... Cups Up!  xoxo

Cups Up! Quote of the Week...

“I always take life with a grain of salt, …plus a slice of lemon, …and a shot of tequila.” - Unknown






I prefer lime Darling...

$400 Dollars?? Think of ALL the Lipsticks You Could Buy!

Hello my Dear Dear Friend... So glad that you are here and you’re just in time!  Just in time for what Caffe?  For the BIG giveaway!!  No, not me Darling, but of course I’ve got my hand in it!  Oooh, I like my hand in... ahemmm...  goodness me, always thinking naughty!

You know how I’ve mentioned that I help out here and there over at Blogaholic Social Network?  I did right?  There are SOOO many bloggers over there and well, the lovely Emily who founded the network is doing a huge giveaway... $400 big ones to celebrate the One Year Anniversary of this FABulous site!  

You know how many lipsticks you could buy with that Darling??  Aaackkk... I can’t even think about lipsticks right now... well, maybe a little... and maybe a nice new shade of red, or mauve, well summer is coming up so maybe a nice bright shimmery coral...  Sheesh!  I’m doing it again.  The last time I got hot and heavy about lipsticks, I was in the middle of an interview and I left... before it was even over!  Poor Rock Star, he had no idea that he was dealing with a lipstick fiend such as myself!

If you’d like to enter the giveaway, and who wouldn’t want $400 extra dollars in their Chanel coin purse?... see the info below Darling... Good Luck and tell Emily Caffe sent ya!

Blogaholic Social Network is celebrating their 1 year anniversary and we have teamed up with them to bring you the chance to win $400.00 Paypal cash! If you have not yet heard- Blogaholic Social Network is an online community where bloggers of all niche's connect and spread the word about their blogs while gaining resources, followers, blogging tips, and much more! You must be a member to win but joining fast, easy and best of all FREE! Join here!


This event is hosted by Blogaholic Social Network, The Organized Classroom Blog, Mompreneur Mogul, Swoon Media, Caffeinated OC Mommy, Terri's Little Haven, and Multi Testing Mommy.

You must be 18 to enter. A valid Paypal account is required. Open Worldwide. Void where prohibited.

This giveaway ends May 31st, 2012 11:59 pm

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Verifying entries may take up to 2 days days. Please make sure all your entries are valid. Winner must respond within 48 hours or another winner will be chosen.

This event is also made possible by the following blogs:  Like A Bump On A Blog, A Mothers Heritage, A Little of This and a Little of That, Fashion in the Forest, Keeping Up With The Rheinlanders, Giveaway Promote, Kids and Deals, Bella Bud, Shereen Travels Cheap, Mrs. Miner's Kindergarten Monkey Business, Addicted 2 savings 4 U, Stacy's Savings, One House Schoolroom, Insights by April, Mom Blogger Buzz, St. Augustine Qpon Posse, Mom to Bed by 8, Another Cookie, Please, Crossroad Reviews, Whole Lotta Mama, The STL Mark Mama, Oh My Gosh Beck, Mommies In Orbit, Lillys & Lollipops, Debt Free Spending, Children Teaching Mama, She Says, Bella Street, It's Just My Life, Nap Time Is My Time, Rockin Teacher Materials, The More The Merrier, The Mama Bird, Social Studies Momma, The Stress Free Spanish Teacher, Truly Simply Pink, The 3AM Teacher, The Mommy Times, Mommy Coupon Swappers, Media Darlings, Frugal Ferret

Cups Up! Quote of the Week...

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”  Marilyn Monroe

Take me and ALL my lipsticks!!

Top 5 Things That Mommys Do That Make My Lipstick Smudge!

Hello hello my Darling Friend... Come sit down as I’ve got a topic that we need to revisit... hold on tight to that cup I’m about to fill up, as I’ve got some venting to do about poor parenting skills.  Hmmph... what is wrong with these Mommys lately?  Have they not read my previous Mommy Lessons?  What?  Oh yes, here... freshly brewed and quite heated, er, I mean HOT!

Have you noticed my Dear?  Have you noticed the quality or should I say, the lack of quality when it comes to being a good Mommy?  Where do these Mommys learn their parenting skills?  From the Real Housewives??  Sheesh, I can tell I’m gonna need a new lipstick after this little chat...

So here’s to new lipsticks!  Thank you very much... Now Darling, I know you know what I’m about to say and I know you’re not one of those... so please, just pass this post to that Mommy... you know... that Mommy?  Uh huh, the one who lets her 2 year old drink soda... the one who doesn’t watch her kid at the park and her back is turned... the one... oh alright already, let’s get started...

Top 5 Things That Mommys Do That Make My Lipstick Smudge!

#1- Feeding children chemically processed foods... you’ve seen it before, fake orange imitation cheese goop,  pretend healthy McDonald’s, red and blue # blah, blah, blah... artificial juice, OH, and let’s not forget soda!  How can a  good Mommy let her small child eat and drink foods that one can’t even pronounce the words on the label?  Rule of thumb... if you can’t identify or pronounce the words on the label, you probably don’t want to feed your most precious gift, manmade rubbish.

#2-  Letting the kids have full reign of the television.  Ummm... NO!  TV is not the same as it was when Gilligan’s Island and The Brady Bunch were all the rage.  The topics are spread far and wide, and most are NOT age appropriate.  Even the commercials of today are not suitable.  Does your child need to see a viagra add?  Or the upcoming highlights of the Dance Moms screaming at top lung?  Studies have shown that children cannot identify the difference between real and fantasy up until the age of seven years old.  Turn... the TV... off!

#3- Now that we just did the TV thing... same holds true for the radio.  Listen to the lyrics, you’d be surprised by how many songs are just not appropriate.  Now, I just adore a good MILFs night out, love all the naughty songs, however... there are many popular artists that are playing on the radio that no matter how many bleeps are in the song... does not belong in the environment of a young child’s ears.

#4- Ignoring their child’s persistent questions.  ANSWER THEM!!  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to throw my shoe at these Mommys!  These Mommys are teaching their own kids how to ignore somebody they love... to squash their child’s curiosity is a grave mistake made by many Mommys.  Yes, I know my Dear, it’s the same question over and over... but don’t make the child feel they can never come to you.  And that’s what’s going to happen when Mommys ignore their child.

#5-  When Mommys have no clue about safety issues.  This is the biggie for me Darling... as it should automatically be on the radar... but it’s not.  

I’ve seen a Mommy let her toddler play in the doorway of a busy restaurant while Mommy and company sat at a table nearby.  It was a heavy glass single door that connected to the street, the poor fingers or body even, that would get smashed in between the door and frame... or... the split second that the child decides that the street looked more interesting than the doorway. 

I’ve seen Mommys let their little ones stand in the seat part of the shopping cart while Mommy’s back is turned.  Oh no, don’t argue with me that these Mommys didn’t know... they knew perfectly well that their child was not strapped in!

Then there are the Mommys who go to a public restroom and the small child is standing in front of the door waiting... You stupid Mommy!  What are you gonna do when you’re sitting there on the pot with your panties around your ankles and you see your child’s feet suddenly disappear before your eyes??

It takes a blink of an eye for something horrible to happen and yet if common sense was used, none of the above issues would matter.  Sheesh... did these Mommys trade in their brains for a new baby?  I just don’t get it.

We’re already at five??  Goodness me, I could have rattled on another ten!  Shall I go... no, I’ll save it for another time.  Besides, I hear the lipstick counter calling my name, Caffe!  Ohhhhh Caffe!  Lipsticks await to calm your frazzled nerves....

See?  I knew I heard lipsticks calling me!  Well my Darling Friend, I know you’re an excellent Mommy and I know you would never do any of the above... Hey!  Why don’t you meet me at the lipstick counter and buy yourself a nice new shade to celebrate what a great Mommy you are?  Yes, good idea... We’ll just tell the Hubby it’s a gift in honor of being an excellent Mommy.  After all, we can always use a new lipstick for Mother’s Day...

Until next time my Lovely Friend... Have a Wonderful Mommy’s Day, even if your baby is a dog or a cat, or some goldfish... Ta Ta!  xoxo

Steamy, Hot, Sex... Turn the Heat Up Darling!

Hello hello my Dear Friend... so glad that you’re here!  Come sit, make yourself comfy as I’ve got a steamy blend to fill your cup with...

Steamy?  Yes, steamy!  This little chat that we are about to embark on might make the apples of your cheeks blush just a bit, but come on Doll... stay with me and I won’t tease you about how absolutely lovely you look with a bit of color added to them. 

Uh oh... Caffe?  What are you filling my cup up with this time?  Sex Darling... sex, sexy, erotic, seductive, smoldering... kind of like what I filled your cup with... Do you like?

Now that I’ve got your complete attention Darling... my question for you... are you keeping it hot and steamy in the bedroom?  CAFFE!  That’s a personal question and I don’t know if I can indulge!  Of course you can Darling... it’s meee!  Oh... alright... I’ll go first and then maybe your panties will loosen up a bit...

I’m telling you from LOTS of experience my Dear Friend... a healthy family starts with a healthy relationship between the “grown ups” in the household.  Fair enough?  Are you with me so far?  Sooooo, to keep a healthy relationship with your significant other... sexy is a very important part of keeping the relationship in top notch condition.  If you feel sexy, then your lover will feel sexy too.  

Why do you think I constantly call myself a MILF?  It evokes a sexy attitude that makes one feel like they can conquer the world.  And if you can conquer the world, it’s a guarantee that you can conquer the bedroom as well.  

Ooooh, it’s getting a bit warm in here... Now... since you’re acting a bit sheepish my Dear, I’ll tell you my top 5 MILFy tantalizing ways to start setting the mood in your day to help set your bedroom ablaze that night...

#1- Sexy undies.  Please, please, one more time... please don’t hide these in the back of your drawer waiting for that special night!  Wear them any day... every day is a special day that leads to a special night  special lunch break, special hide in the closet, special back seat in the car.

#2- What?  You don’t have sexy undies?  Well, not to worry my Dear.  I have the answer for that dilemma... Try not wearing anything under that skirt and see how free you feel with your sexuality.  Shhhh... it’s my your own little sexy secret.

#3- He’s not a mind reader Darling... you need to tell him how HOT he makes you feel.  If you whisper with a low groan in his ear at any given moment, “I want you” it works like a charm... every... time.

#4- Take risks Darling!  Come on, what’s there to lose?  Your Self in glorious passion??  Ooooh, that’s a risk I’d take any day!  You might get caught... but that’s what makes it oh so enticing... heart pounding... heavy breathing... QUICK!  Get me the fire extinguisher!!

And finally... #5- Tell yourself that you, my Dear Friend... are a Sex Goddess!  Go ahead... say it, I’m listening... Come on Darling, what are you waiting for?  Huh?  Not feeling it?!  But of course you are!  There is no one else that has shapely hips like you... or lips so yummy when you add a dab of shimmer to them... go ahead, put on those leopard print lacy undies and while you’re doing it, tell yourself, “I’m Sexy!  I’m HOT!  I’m a sex kitten in the bed!”  Do it for you... do it for him!  You won’t be disappointed and I bet your sheets will catch on fire!  

Pheeeew!  I think I need to powder my nose... or touch up my lips... no need for blush on these cheeks of mine!  Well my Darling Friend, I hope I’ve inspired you to live your sexy to the fullest... 

Why looky here, my cup is empty and if I drink anymore of this particular brew, I'll have to put out the fire that's burning inside... I think I'll get some fresh air and check the mail... Oooh look!  The newest Victoria’s Secret catalogue has just arrived... Until next time my Sexy Friend... Ta Ta!  

Cups Up! Quote of the Week...

"Anywhere is paradise; it’s up to you." Anonymous




Hmmm... decisions, decisions... I think I'll envision my paradise with Mai Tais and bright pink lipstick...