Welcome back friends! Are you ready for another cup of fresh controversy? I’ve been brewing a strong blend of Moms that need lessons on how to be a good Mother with a little bit of citric humor. Good Lordy, I think I’ve gone overboard on the amount of Moms that need lessons, but maybe if I add more citric humor and a little bit of sugar, it will come out right.
Today’s Caffeinated OC Mommy post is dedicated to those Moms who need a good swat on the rump and sent to their rooms for breaking all the rules of not behaving like a good Mother should. Oh my, did I just say that? Why yes, yes I did. I’m sure you will agree with me when I say that there are women out there who are just not Mommy enough to be a Mother.
There are many lessons to help so so Moms become terrific Mothers that take time and patience to master, but if we start now, we might be able to turn those okay Moms into great Mothers. Let’s go over some of the basics, shall we?
Lesson #1
Never, EVER, let your toddler and age groups below, drink soda! Now let’s think about this for a second... Rumor has it that Coke can remove rust off chrome car bumpers, remove corrosion off a battery terminal, and clean toilets. A good Mother would keep this in mind and think about possible implications before giving her child anything suspect. Rumor or not, the amount of sugar in a 12 oz can of Coke is 39 grams. A good Mother will opt out of giving her child a manmade chemical drink and give her child milk, diluted apple juice, or water.
Lesson #2
Do NOT leave your young child in the bathtub unattended. Yes, I’m quite familiar with the, quick... I forgot something... I’ll be right back way of thinking. As fast as you can get Jr.’s rubber ducky, is as fast as Jr. can submerge his head fully underwater. Not a pretty thought. A good Mother will make quack-quack sounds and splash about the water without rubber ducky and remember to bring it next time.
Lesson #3
Listen to your child. And I mean really listen. Do not answer your child with the standard answers normally given such as, “Uh-huh and mmmm-hmmmm.” You are your child’s first teacher when it comes to their learning of how to communicate with others. For Pete’s sake, would you please help your child become a competent adult so that he doesn’t come off as a complete idiot when talking with his future wife and that he is able to answer her in complete sentences and not gibberish, “Ummmm, uh-huh, uhhhh, duh....” A good Mother has complete conversations with her children, no matter how young they are. This teaches them to listen and to know how to carry on a conversation.
My cup is empty and I need a refill. So we will end our lessons for today and continue at another time. I hope you’ve found these lesson quite helpful and I know most of you know these lessons by heart already. So until our next chat... TA TA!
LOVE, love, love this! (And written in such an entertaining manner, as well, I have to add.) Oh please, can I post one, too? Here would be a lesson I'd like to teach to some parents out there:
ReplyDeleteLesson #387: Have a plan for discipline and FOLLOW THROUGH with it. Yup, each and every time no matter how tired you are. So-so mommies threaten their kids with empty words. Kids are smart. If they are thinking of doing something naughty and all they ever get for it is, "You should know better!" or "You are in trouble, Mister!" then nothing... well, they will just be naughty. Easy-peasy to be naughty under those circumstances.
What is not so easy is for the parent to follow through with consistent discipline... including thorough talks to discuss what happened and why inappropriate behavior is, well, inappropriate!
Thank you for posting about this. I look forward to hearing more Lessons from you. Please post more! You are so fun to read!!
I'm delighted that you have participated in the lessons OC Mommy! When I get to lesson #387, I'll be sure and post what you wrote. Keep on studying and if you have anymore lessons to share, I'm sure that the So So Moms will appreciate it! Oh, I hear my coffee timer going off... xoxo
ReplyDeleteSmart and Sassy! Love it! Well thought out lessons--of course, I've broken most of them (not #2, though, I would never leave a baby alone in the bathtub). I remember a time when I was the perfect mommy. I think it was two kids ago, maybe three. Good times, good times.... :P
ReplyDeleteOnce a perfect Mommy, always just a reminder away, to be a perfect Mommy again! Thank you Lindy for stopping by. Come again, as I will look forward to your next visit. xoxo
ReplyDelete#4 Car seats are a necessary! And no, just putting it near the child in the car does not count! AND #4.1 they're for the CAR! Not to leave your child in for the whole bloody day! I'm sorry if you think it's inconvenient to carry your kid around walmart in a sling or your arms, but guess what? Motherhood isn't convenient. Car seat babies scream lazy mommas! Oh my stars, I adore this blog.
ReplyDeleteWell, well my dear Kate, it seems to me that you have been studying the Mommy Lessons like a pro! Keep up the good work and I have a pot of decaf in the kitchen for you if you need it. xoxo
ReplyDelete