Friday, December 9, 2011

Not Again! The Butt Crack Chronicles Revisited

Hello my Dear Friend... I’m SO delighted to be feeling much better and filling your cup once again!  Today’s brew is a delicate blend of, ‘Just say no! mixed with Do you know what you look like from behind?’ to fill your cup...
Just before I got this wicked cold, I went to the market to buy lots of ginger and garlic to put into a pot of chicken soup... Littlest had the sniffles and I was hoping the soup would not only help her out, but maybe keep the entire family from getting sick as well.  My Grandmother believed in the magic powers of ginger and garlic to help keep our bodies healthy during the cold season... so I was on my way to the store to purchase some of this magic.
This should be an easy peasy errand... go to the market, get ginger, OH, looky here, the garlic is right there next to the ginger... let me get one more box of chicken broth, just in case... now off to the checkout counter. 
Standing in line I couldn’t help but observe the Mommy with her stroller directly in front of me.  Nothing strange and unusual about that.  I noticed that she used the underneath of her stroller to place her items in, instead of using a cart.  Yep, I used to do that all the time too, especially when you only have a few things to purchase.
And then she started to bend over to retrieve her goods... OH  NO  SHE DIDN’T!!!  It was deja vu and I was back in the Target parking lot with Littlest in tow
 Shock took over my body and my vision must have been temporarily impaired as I stood behind her perplexed... Am I looking at Joe the Plumber’s twin sister?, or worse... his wife?  And now they have a little one in the stroller that will one day be showing off his crack in the 'rear' future to the horror of the many who will stand behind him... Why yes, yes I did see Joe and a good three... THREE inches of crack staring back at me and my garlic!!  
My body was motionless, yet my mind was screaming into a megaphone... STOP!  PLEASE!  You only have 4 items, can’t you take them all out at once?  What?  NO, not again!!  You’re ruining my lipstick! 
Her crack-a-lantern was within an arms reach of me and if I were playing for the LA Lakers, I could have slam dunked my garlic cloves right down the middle and I could have earned extra bonus points for fitting the ginger pieces in as well... Double the points for the box of chicken broth!
Unloading these 4 items seems to take her forever and I don’t even know if I’m still breathing... I think.... I think.... I think the magic powers of the ginger and garlic I was holding in my hands was not working, and I soon realized there are limitations to what ginger and garlic can ward off.  I don’t think this was the type of magic my Grandmother was referring to!
Well Darling, I must be feeling better to fix you a cup like this!  Refill?  No?  I guess you’re right, I don’t want another cup either.  Before you leave, I must do my duty as any good Mommy would... turn around, bend over... phewww... okay, you’re good!  Until next time my Dear Friend... watch out for unsuspecting cracks in your daily activities... TaTa! 


  1. Oh no, not again!!! You are butt crack magnet! :-/

  2. That is hilarious! (But I am truly sorry for the unfortunate exposure. It's a shame we can't erase from our memory what our eyes have seen!)

  3. Hahahaha!!! That was awesome! "You're ruining my lipstick". You crack me up. Heh. Get it? See what I did there? Nudge nudge. Wow. I think I need more coffee.

  4. OK ewwwww I thought low rider pants were a thing of the past.

  5. SO glad you're feeling better sweetie!
    My oldest daughter suffers from this "crack" problem! it doesn't matter what pair of pants she wears it's almost constant!
    Yesterday I was wearing a pair of jeans that I swore fit last week and then boom all of a sudden they're like 3 sizes to big and yeah I had to be VERY careful not to share my "crack" one needs to see that.

  6. Crack-o-lantern! I love it! I'm so glad you are feeling better, well, were feeling better til you were visually violated in line. My question is always, how do you not feel your pants coming off your ass? I don't like looking at my own ass, why would anyone else want to see it? I hope you went home and cleansed your eyes with a ginger and garlic rinse to rid them of that sight! Glad you are feeling better!

  7. Ohmygosh you made me laugh with the Crack-o-lantern line!!!
    Seriously, people...what is WITH the plumber's crack these days? Back in the day it used to only happen to plumbers...but now even the mommies out there are sport'n this obnoxious look! Doesn't she feel a DRAFT?!!
    Crazy times we are living in....where it's almost the norm to see people's bare rear ends in the grocery store. Ugh.

  8. Why, why, WHYYYYYY????!! Do people do this on purpose thinking that others will relish the view of their butt cracks? Or do they just not know "why" they're feeling the icy draft down their backside?

    By the way...thanks for sharing the photo. Now I need to run to the store to pick up a load of ginger and garlic.

  9. Thank you Darlings for stopping by... Yes, I'm feeling MUCH better as I just purchased a new rose colored shimmer for my lips!

    As for the visual aid I left for you all... uh huh, arms reach I tell ya, so happy that the kids weren't there, but then again, it might have been a hoot to hear them squeal in LOUD whispers and maybe that Mommy would have been embarrASSed and never shop at that same store again! lol xoxo

  10. Ugh! Your crack does NOT need to be hanging out. Especially in the winter! It'll ice up!

  11. hahaaahaaaa.... i think the magic powers of the ginger and garlic I was holding in my hands was not working....


Hello Darling,

Have you seen the latest collection of lipstick colors?? Oooooh, I can't help myself! Thanks for stopping by... xoxo

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