Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Drive You DUMB Mommy DRIVE!

Well hello hello my Dear Darling Friend!  So FABulous that you stopped by... come make yourself comfy and let me fill your cup with a nice hot brew of, ‘Pay the Hell attention when you drive and put your stupid phone down!’  Hmmm... maybe that brew is a little toooo hot? Make sure you blow on it Dear, I don’t want you to burn yourself...

Keeping my gorgeous self fit is a must as I have a reputation to uphold, my long legs and tight abs are truly to die for!  One of my favorite ways to stay MILFy is by going out for an early morning run.  While running, I get to fantasize about getting locked in Sephora with no one there except me and every single lipstick... reds and plums... berries and pinks... corals and... huh?  Where did you come from?  OHhhh... that’s right, running!  I was getting there Darling... I just got a wee bit distracted!

Yes, yes running to stay my MILFyest!  The other morning I was making my way home back from my run when it happened... I, Caffeinated OC Mommy was a mere inch away from being flattened to the ground by some idiot Mommy who was not paying attention to me in the crosswalk, but looking at not her smart phone, but her DUMB phone!  What the heck?!  I saw my life and my  lipstick collection pass quickly before my eyes and at the same time... my feet were floating in midair doing a little jig to avoid the inevitable!  BUT... someone up above was looking out for moi as not a hair on my pretty little head was out of place when it was over and the only damage that occurred was my inability to breathe at that precise moment. 

So, listen up my Dear... do me a favor... I know you probably do, but just in case... put the phone down when you drive, it can wait until the car engine is turned off.  Drive safe for you, drive safe for your family and please drive safe when you see me fantasizing about my lipstick collection!  My cup is empty and all this talk about lipstick and fantasies has now motivated me to run quickly to the nearest lipstick aisle at my favorite place to buy peanut butter!  Off you go... Ta Ta for now Darling!  

Thursday, January 10, 2013

You are NOT Going to Bring Your Sick Child to Class are You Darling?

Hello my Dear Friend!  Welcome welcome... come make yourself comfortable and let me fill your cup with a nice fresh brew of 'Sniffle sniffle cough cough'.  As promised, a new Mommy Lesson starts right now...

The cold season is among us and I'm sure you heard that it is one of the worst in a very long time.  It's sooo bad in the state of Massachusetts that they have declared a state emergency!  Oh my... There has been so much in the news, I've seen much on Facebook and even Twitter has a hash tag for #epidemic about all who is unhealthy.  What to do what to do... how can we help to not spread these sick germs?  DON'T SEND YOUR SICK KID TO SCHOOL!  Ahem... excuse me, I need to touch up my lipstick as it got just a tad bit smudged with that last sentence... be right back...

Ahhh... much better!  Now where was I?  Oh yes, sending unhealthy, hacking, runny nosed, sore throat kids to school!  How could any Mommy send their sick child to school?  Now that I think about it... bring them to a play date, a sports class, a music festival, a party, the movies, the grocery store... how about not taking your sick child anywhere except to their bed to get some rest!  Who are these Mommys?  Well I know for sure that it's not you my Darling.

We've all seen these poor kids, hacking away and sneezing and sniffling between taekwondo kicks and piano pieces... it's not their fault, the poor Darlings take their cue from... from... those Mommys who don't give a damn or are unaware that their child has runny green snot hanging off their bottom lip!  Ewww... gross!  I just got reminded of a visual... BLECH!

Sooooo.... well now my Dear, do you tell that Mommy to take her child home?  Or at least ask that Mommy why she has brought her coughing child to the party?  I certainly do as I want to know exactly what it is that my family will be catching so I can at least prepare myself by sanitizing the door handle of the exit before I make my escape with my child in hand!

My my... I'm getting a bit worked up and it's not good for my complexion!  Breathe Caffe breathe... 
I need to run Darling... I need to go to the store and stock up on wipes and Lysol and maybe a new lipstick... or 4 lipsticks... yes, that will make me feel much better!

Until next time my Dear Friend, stay healthy and take your vitamins... Ta Ta!

Friday, January 4, 2013

Happy New Year Darling!

Hello my Darling Darling Friend!  Yes, it HAS been a long time and I am SOOOO glad to be back!  I've missed you... have you missed me?  Silly question as I know you did!  

So tell me, how was your holidays?  Did you buy any FABulous new lipsticks for the occasion?  Well, you know I did!  I can't help myself, I'm a MILF Darling!

I've been thinking about the new year and reflecting about the old, and the numero uno thought that comes to my mind?  Uh huh, baaaaaaad Mommys... you know my Dear, bad parenting, unawareness, unsafe, unskilled, unlipsticked... 'Umm Caffe?  Unlipsticked?  Really?'  But Darling... it goes with the complete package of UN!

The parenting of today has my lipstick in utter smudgeyness and now I'm on a mission to fix it!  Just like my lipstick... soooo, Mommy Lessons are in the works and I have a feeling that there will be many needing to take these courses. But not you of course, because I know how absolutely FABulous you already are!  

So excuse me my Dear, I must get started with the new curriculum for upcoming Mommy Lessons... OH, first homework assignment... buy yourself a FABulous new lipstick... of course!  Until next time my Sweet... Ta Ta!
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