Caffeinated OC Mommy: May 2012

Hello hello my Darling Friend... Come sit down as I’ve got a topic that we need to revisit... hold on tight to that cup I’m about to fill up, as I’ve got some venting to do about poor parenting skills. Hmmph... what is wrong with these Mommys lately? Have they not read my previous Mommy Lessons? What? Oh yes, here... freshly brewed and quite heated, er, I mean HOT!

Have you noticed my Dear? Have you noticed the quality or should I say, the lack of quality when it comes to being a good Mommy? Where do these Mommys learn their parenting skills? From the Real Housewives?? Sheesh, I can tell I’m gonna need a new lipstick after this little chat...

So here’s to new lipsticks! Thank you very much... Now Darling, I know you know what I’m about to say and I know you’re not one of those... so please, just pass this post to that Mommy... you know... that Mommy? Uh huh, the one who lets her 2 year old drink soda... the one who doesn’t watch her kid at the park and her back is turned... the one... oh alright already, let’s get started...

Top 5 Things That Mommys Do That Make My Lipstick Smudge!

#1- Feeding children chemically processed foods... you’ve seen it before, fake orange imitation cheese goop, pretend healthy McDonald’s, red and blue # blah, blah, blah... artificial juice, OH, and let’s not forget soda! How can a good Mommy let her small child eat and drink foods that one can’t even pronounce the words on the label? Rule of thumb... if you can’t identify or pronounce the words on the label, you probably don’t want to feed your most precious gift, manmade rubbish.

#2- Letting the kids have full reign of the television. Ummm... NO! TV is not the same as it was when Gilligan’s Island and The Brady Bunch were all the rage. The topics are spread far and wide, and most are NOT age appropriate. Even the commercials of today are not suitable. Does your child need to see a viagra add? Or the upcoming highlights of the Dance Moms screaming at top lung? Studies have shown that children cannot identify the difference between real and fantasy up until the age of seven years old. Turn... the TV... off!

#3- Now that we just did the TV thing... same holds true for the radio. Listen to the lyrics, you’d be surprised by how many songs are just not appropriate. Now, I just adore a good MILFs night out, love all the naughty songs, however... there are many popular artists that are playing on the radio that no matter how many bleeps are in the song... does not belong in the environment of a young child’s ears.

#4- Ignoring their child’s persistent questions. ANSWER THEM!! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to throw my shoe at these Mommys! These Mommys are teaching their own kids how to ignore somebody they love... to squash their child’s curiosity is a grave mistake made by many Mommys. Yes, I know my Dear, it’s the same question over and over... but don’t make the child feel they can never come to you. And that’s what’s going to happen when Mommys ignore their child.

#5- When Mommys have no clue about safety issues. This is the biggie for me Darling... as it should automatically be on the radar... but it’s not.

I’ve seen a Mommy let her toddler play in the doorway of a busy restaurant while Mommy and company sat at a table nearby. It was a heavy glass single door that connected to the street, the poor fingers or body even, that would get smashed in between the door and frame... or... the split second that the child decides that the street looked more interesting than the doorway.

I’ve seen Mommys let their little ones stand in the seat part of the shopping cart while Mommy’s back is turned. Oh no, don’t argue with me that these Mommys didn’t know... they knew perfectly well that their child was not strapped in!

Then there are the Mommys who go to a public restroom and the small child is standing in front of the door waiting... You stupid Mommy! What are you gonna do when you’re sitting there on the pot with your panties around your ankles and you see your child’s feet suddenly disappear before your eyes??

It takes a blink of an eye for something horrible to happen and yet if common sense was used, none of the above issues would matter. Sheesh... did these Mommys trade in their brains for a new baby? I just don’t get it.

We’re already at five?? Goodness me, I could have rattled on another ten! Shall I go... no, I’ll save it for another time. Besides, I hear the lipstick counter calling my name, Caffe! Ohhhhh Caffe! Lipsticks await to calm your frazzled nerves....

See? I knew I heard lipsticks calling me! Well my Darling Friend, I know you’re an excellent Mommy and I know you would never do any of the above... Hey! Why don’t you meet me at the lipstick counter and buy yourself a nice new shade to celebrate what a great Mommy you are? Yes, good idea... We’ll just tell the Hubby it’s a gift in honor of being an excellent Mommy. After all, we can always use a new lipstick for Mother’s Day...

Until next time my Lovely Friend... Have a Wonderful Mommy’s Day, even if your baby is a dog or a cat, or some goldfish... Ta Ta! xoxo